Don’t worry, no one died! By a ‘day of silence’, what I mean is literally, a day of silence.
My craptastic laptop is already dead, leaving me very little access to the internet (and no, my phone doesn’t count because it blows and takes me an hour to even post a status update), but today it got much, much worse.
I should have known by praising how good Monday was (as Monday is generally regarded in a negative manner) that I would be setting myself up for disaster, as Monday ALWAYS knows when you are having a good day and decides to shit all over it whenever it can, even if the day does not begin with M. I should have been more skeptical, I should have seen it coming from a mile away!
Tuesday is just a second helping of the shittiness that is Monday.
Right before lunch, both the cable and internet went out. I know that there are plenty of people that live without both, and happily, but I am not one of those people. I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself a ‘couch potato’, but as a parent of two small and very LOUD little boys, I rely on the TV to provide for background noise and simultaneously drown out the weirdness and insane ramblings that go on.
Without a TV on in the background, I was forced to sit and listen to Holden speaking in tongues, and then a 30 minute marathon of both boys banging blocks together, why? Who the fuck knows. Why do kids do ANYTHING they like to do that we don’t understand? I most certainly can’t make sense of it, but I know I was driven to the point of near insanity… and then only to find out that in order to get Parker to sleep for nap time, I would have to find a DVD.
Cue me digging through 3 gigantic boxes in the upstairs closet and all I could find were movies that would only encourage the child to stay awake. You know you are either a weirdo, or a parent, when all you can find in your DVD collection are animated movies. I found one that I could actually stomach to watch… but wouldn’t you guess it- none of our remotes work for the DVD player. It was a flashback to the late 80s of me sitting infront of our dial TV slowly switching the channels, trying to find something to watch. Thank FUCK for remotes, that shit sucked. And yes, now I feel old.
When would our cable company be coming to fix this issue? Ohhh, they gave us a 9 hour window- thanks a fucking lot! Because I don’t have ANYTHING else to be doing for the next 9 hours that I can sit around and wait for you to fix your own fuck up. Much appreciated.
What’s worse is they actually showed up before I thought they would… dead center in the middle of nap time.
yes, you are oh-so fantastic for coming in a timely matter to fix my cable and internet dilemma, but WHY do these things ALWAYS have to happen while the kids are sleeping? Is it some kind of unspoken rule that repairmen ALWAYS have to come and ruin the most peaceful time of the day?
By the time the kids woke up, my headache was pounding, so I replaced my afternoon snack with a gigantic vat of coffee to dull the pain. And now I am dulling it with a nice strong cup of mommy juice.
And i’m pretty sure tomorrow is going to blow, too, just another kick in the ass thanks to my praising of Monday. I got an email today that the new laptop I ordered that isn’t even supposed to be shipped until next Friday will be delivered TOMORROW- which would usually be a fantastic thing… but I won’t be home, and it has to be signed for. What will I be doing instead? Holding two children down while they get needles poked into their arms and legs. YAY! NEEDLE PARTY! Doesn’t that sound like a total blast? I know i’m excited.
Remind me never to get a false sense of security from a good Monday ever again- we all know it’s just a setup!
Did you know that toothpaste becomes stronger than concrete if left on surfaces for too long? I didn't either. Thanks, kids!
Y'all can keep your creepy little elves- my kids live in fear of the PRESENT PRISON. holdinholden.com/2014/12/the-…
Cut Yourself some Christmas Slack goo.gl/fb/4WVJe2
My day as a parent isn't complete until I've threatened to sell at least one of my children on the black market. Twice. At least.
He only has himself to blame pic.twitter.com/UffL59jSmz
I'm forever teaching my kids to never say never... but... I'm breaking my own rules, here. NEVER EVER EVER will there be an elf on my shelf. Here's why: holdinholden.com/2012/11/why-…
If you have the desire to be in charge of someone else's bedtime who listens to you even less than you listen to yourself when you say "GO TO SLEEP ALREADY!"- having kids is definitely for you.