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Tits, Ass, and Bloody Clowns

Every time we go to Busch Gardens, we swear we aren’t going to stay the whole day, especially with the start of Howl-O-Scream and the whole park turning into a terror zone for children after 6pm- we typically get the hell out before then… but today we ran into a friend and somehow our plans went flying out the window.

Now I have to admit that right now my attention is not fully on this blog, as the premiere of “The Walking Dead” is about to come on, and let’s be honest- that’s far more important… but I do have a few things from the days events to describe that I thought were interesting enough to share.

Along with scary things at Halloween time, Busch Gardens also puts on a lot of new shows for the season. One of these shows has disclaimers all over the front of the building that it may not be suitable for children because of “strong suggestive themes”
I figured this just meant some provocative dancing and skimpy outfits- and the boys have seen So You Think You Can Dance more than on one occasion and those chicks hardly wear anything, so this couldn’t be much worse.
Uhhhhh, wrong. If you have to question whether or not something may be “appropriate for children”- it probably isn’t.
Outside of a strip club in New York City i’ve never seen so much ass being shaken or boobs jiggled. I felt embarrassed for having the boys in there at all, but there were so many other kids the same age I figured we couldn’t exactly feel bad about it.
All I kept wondering as these girls shook their barely covered pink underweared asses around was how they weren’t getting gigantic wedgies. There must have been a hell of a lot of double sided tape being passed around before the show.

Not all the parts of the park are scary, but in order to get from one place to another, you sometimes have to walk through what is known as a “scare zone.” These are somewhat unavoidable. One of these was a bridge, no way around it, full of bloody terrifying clowns. I do not like clowns. And after today I don’t know that Holden will ever look at them the same way again. Luckily the rumors were somewhat incorrect in that i’d heard that the people in costume would come after little kids even though they’re instructed not to- they didn’t come near Holden, but he still cowered in his seat as if his life was going to end. I couldn’t make out what he was screaming, but i’m sure it was something along the lines of “I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE!”
One of the clowns did go after the other 4 year old we were with, i’ve never seen a kid jump behind his mother so fast.

Today I also saw multiple 16(ish) year old couples walk into the Sesame Street Forest of Fun and ride toddler rides. This mystified me. There are SO many other rides in the park, and you’re going to ride the fucking WHIRLY WORM? Seriously??

We got home late, and were in the process of putting the kids straight to bed when I realized that my feet felt… funny; Slimy even. I turned both feet over, and the ENTIRE things were black. So black that even without sandals on, it still looked like I was wearing them. That’s what I get for refusing to throw away or stop wearing my 8 year old flip flops.
Got home too late to shower, sigh. I had to attempt to scrub my feet sitting on the edge of the tub… and I missed. Down I went- and ended up stuck between the toilet and the bathtub.Slightly embarrassing to have to have Thomas yank me out of an unsightly position (one leg in the air, one arm around the pot).

Now i’m ending this long and unexpected day with zombies.
Just the whipped cream on top of a very bloody cake I think!

And now to end a very long day

Posted on October 16, 2011 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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