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Is there an echo in here?

As a parent, how many times DO we have to say the same thing to get through to our kids? Are their heads that thick, or do they really just not give a shit about what comes out of our mouths?

I have to wonder, really, because every single day I find myself saying the same thing over, and over, and OVER- and still it does no good! They’re still doing the same stupid crap, even if it hurts them, even if it gets all of their toys taken away and gets them put in an hour long time out- it doesn’t seem to matter. Don’t they realize that i’m just trying to help them? I’d honestly prefer NOT to punish them constantly- it gives me a nasty little Mommy headache. Mommy with a headache is not a nice Mommy at all, shouldn’t they want to avoid that at all costs?

But Nooo, every day, every single day, it’s the same old shit.

No hitting your brother
Stop biting, you are not a cannibal!
For the love of all that is holy, STOP SCREAMING
Don’t you dare steal his toys one more time
Stop telling your brother what to do, fascist dictator.

And of course, since my kids are the paint-chip eaters, my typical “No No”s of the day always take a turn for the weird, and I constantly catch myself telling them not to do things that sound strange coming out of my mouth, eve stranger that I have to say it more than once.

Stop spitting in your brother’s mouth
Don’t put your finger in your pee stream!
Don’t WIPE that pee finger on me!
Don’t stick your face in the toilet to get a better look at your shit!
Don’t stick your entire drooly fucking fist into the peanut butter jar, jam it into the Cheerios box, and then wipe the disgusting combination in your hair.
No, Parker, you don’t need to scream DOODOO at the top of your lungs while you’re taking one. Not only can I smell it, but I can hear it too.
Just because HE pooped does NOT mean you need to rush to the bathroom to grunt for 20-minutes just so you can poop a bigger poop on top of his poop. What is this, poop wars?
Yes, you NEED to wipe your ass, and NO, you DON’T need to smell it!

Sigh.. I mean really, EVERY DAY, boys? Every day???
At least I can say one thing: There is never, EVER a dull moment in this house.
I love them dearly, even if they are poop sniffing, spit eating cannibals.

In other news: I am PUSHING to have the book released mid next month! Yay! Of course once I have an exact date I will be sure to let everyone know. I’m pretty darn excited- poop, sarcasm, and tales of crazies for everyone!

Posted on October 12, 2011 by Holdin' Holden 2 Comments
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden

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2 Comments

  • From my personal repitore (keep in mind, this is just a sliver off the tip of the iceberg)

    You dont need to lick every single mirror we pass in this damn store! …No, that does not mean you should be licking the glass display cases instead!

    When I said you were not allowed to chew your nails that includes your toenails too now take that foot out of your mouth! …No, dont put that foot on the table, especially not when we are about to serve Christmas dinner!

    Just because the dog eats the flies she catches doesnt mean you need to do it too! …yes I know she thinks they are yummy, please dont do it anyway.

    Yes, I know the dog licks you when you are all wet, that doesnt mean you should lay buck naked inthe sun ‘to dry’ and let her lick your butt…that doesnt mean you should roll over and let her lick Pinky instead. (Yes, my son really did name his penis Pinky)

    No the neighbors do not want to meet Pinky. Please dont run outside naked again.

  • I LOLed hard. Thanks for that!!