Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I am absolutely terrified of spiders. We’re talking EXTREME phobia. Arachnophobia to the eleventh power. I can’t think about spiders, I can’t see spiders, I can’t even look at pictures of spiders without freaking out; doesn’t matter if they’re real pictures or drawings- I can’t do it!
I even had recurring nightmares of being trapped in a small hall closet with a million spiders (give or take) when I was little. Yes, it’s that intense of a phobia.
Earlier this week, it warmed up a tad and stopped raining cats and dogs for long enough to take the boys outside to play… though I have to admit that I did it more to save my sanity than any other reason.
As soon as we walked out I saw what appeared to be a gigantic spiderweb hanging from the big tree in our backyard, with a gigantic sized spider dead in the center of it. Granted, my eyesight is not very good, and no WAY was I getting close enough to confirm- but it looked like one to me so that was enough to go off of. I told Holden to STAY THE HELL AWAY. The last thing I wanted was to have to pull a tarantula off of his back because he was playing underneath of it and it dropped onto his back in attack mode.
From that moment on, it seemed that my phobia had rubbed off on him. He became completely paranoid. No longer was he my spider smashing little boy. He’d turned into a horror movie-esque screaming woman every time he got near that tree.
He refused to play with his favorite truck because he insisted there were 11 spiders hiding in the wheel of it.
He saw what to me, appeared to be bird poop on the picnic table, and insisted instead that it was “yellow with corndogs spider poop” and the table became off limits as well.
He shrieks and runs away from spiders when there is one inside instead of being my big boy who used to walk right up to them and smash them like it was no big deal. Who is going to kill the spiders for me now? I really don’t want to have to go back to banishing him from his room because there is a monster sized spider in it, when he could easily kill it on his own if it weren’t for me.
At the same time, he’s fully willing to pick up an inch worm, carry it around while calling it his “best pet”, only to drop it on the ground and smear it on the concrete patio 5 seconds later. These are the things that confuse me.
However, I have begun to use his new found phobia to my advantage.
Take today for instance. The little turd was rolling around and throwing dirt in the backyard like it was his job, and to get him to stop (after the millionth time of telling him NO) I just went ahead and told him there was a spider next to him, and he ran screaming across the yard, never to touch the dirt again. As Moms, sometimes we have to use the weirdest things to our advantage. This was my chance, and I took it and RAN with it (similar to how Holden ran from the dirt pile like his ass was on fire).
I think the phobia might be slightly wearing off as time passes (and the gigantic spider web disappeared from the tree), because today while outside, after his panic attack from playing in the dirt, he found a spider scurrying across the ground and smooshed it, and exclaimed immediately afterward: “I ruined that spider’s entire life!”
Yes Holden, you sure did! But you made my day!
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The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
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