The weather in the great state of Virginia is sometimes something to love, and sometimes something to loathe. It is completely unpredictable, and while the meteorologists love to pat themselves on the back, they almost ALWAYS get it wrong.
Still, I love living here because the winters are usually pretty mild, and the summers don’t typically get over 102 (and even that is rare)… although the humidity I could definitely live without.
This mild weather seriously comes in handy for outdoor events that would, in other states, be horribly miserable due to freezing temperatures. Halloween is one of these days.
I LOVE HALLOWEEN. I’m serious. I am a fucking GRINCH when it comes to other holidays but if it could be Halloween all year long I would be the happiest person ever.
Each year Holden has been alive that Halloween has come around (this will be his FIFTH, can you believe it?) the weather has been mild enough not to make me hate life. Last year I didn’t even wear a jacket, and we literally trick-or-treated until the back of my heel was blistered and bleeding. I ended the night barefoot.
Tonight, er… Today.. I am blogging early because it has been unusually cold lately. Unusually, and MISERABLY cold. And after tonight, I don’t know if my digits will even be functional enough to type out a blog.
WHAT THE FUCK, AL GORE? I THOUGHT YOU SAID THERE WAS A GLOBAL WARMING EPIDEMIC??
Not only is it predicted to be colder than a witch’s tit tonight, but the fucktwats on the news are saying it’s going to be raining as well.
Well, crap. I sure am glad the boys aren’t wearing face paint with their costumes… but we were wholly unprepared for a frigid Halloween! Their costumes are short sleeved; Parker’s even has shorts. We spent an entire week of fruitlessly searching for thermals for them to wear underneath of their costumes… which means they’re going to look completely ridiculous.
However, I am looking forward to seeing the dumb tweens who would usually be dressing as generic sluts shiver their tiny non-asses off.
I don’t dress up because i’m a fluffy ball of yuck, plus i’m lazy… so yes, what the boys costumes look like is important to me! I like them to be the best, least generic kids strolling the streets, collecting candy for me to inhale once they go to bed.
Unfortunately, even with as awesome with their costumes are, either they’ll be covered up by jackets, or people will mistake them for run-of-the-mill pirates, and Holden will end up yelling at them (like he does everyone else when they get his costume wrong) “NO, I”M JAKE!”
(the boys are dressing as Jake & Cubby from Jake & The Neverland Pirates on Disney Jr)
At least once we get home, I get to curl up on the couch, steal the kids candy, and watch Ghost Hunters Live with the delicious Josh Gates as host. Even if Halloween sucks (AND IT BETTER F’ING NOT!) there is at least that as a consolation prize.
I am displeased. HIGHLY AND IRRATIONALLY DISPLEASED.
Behave yourself, weather, there is much candy to collect!
Happy Halloween everyone!!
17 Stupidly Impossible Things our Kids Think we can do that we… well… can’t. goo.gl/fb/RrkM47
The fact that this is accurate for my life means it's finally happened: I've become my mother. pic.twitter.com/xrIGOoM5Q9
Vacation season is upon is! This is just your friendly reminder that trips with kids are NOT vacations. holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
If you've ever dreamed of having a smaller, angrier version of yourself that you have to argue with over booger eating, kids are for you.
Repeat for infinity while yelling "I JUST CLEANED THAT" pic.twitter.com/pmfEpm3hJU
I love it when my kid is proud of his new accomplishments. I just wish he wouldn't come into my room at 5am to yell them at me while I sleep
Don't grow up- it's a trap! holdinholden.com/2017/05/10-w…
FYI: When I said "enough with the cold weather! It's MAY! Give us heat!" I didn't mean that I wanted to take a vacation to Satan's anus.
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