Time and time again, I told Parker “do not drink out of Mommy’s water glass. You WILL GET SICK!”, but like a typical 2 year old, he completely ignored me, and either I caught him slurping out of my straw, or found the straw completely mangled.
I crossed my fingers, threw salt over my shoulder, hoped and prayed that maybe, just maybe my germs wouldn’t effect him; maybe my issues are just allergy related- because the only thing worse than a sick toddler is a sick man- but Parker woke up this morning acting stranger than usual… which is a hard thing to do.
Thursday is always speech therapy day, and usually Parker pays very close attention to everything going on. He loves speech therapy… more than likely he just loves being the center of attention (a boy after my own heart) and getting to play with special games over and over again that I would get tired of after a couple of minutes, but today he had absolutely no interest. He just sat at the table, mouth agape, staring out the window like a mindless zombie. Nothing we did could get him to pay any bit of attention, not even pulling out glue and safety scissors (a child’s dream!)
Puzzled, I pulled out the forehead thermometer and swiped it across his head- 99.8. Well, that explains a lot. I swiped it across mine- normal. Interesting.
As the day wore on, I noticed that more and more snot was pouring out of his nose like a leaky faucet. Trails of clear boogers sliming down his face like slugs… but instead of being bothered by it like a normal human being, he seemed enthralled with them. Smearing them around and laughing hysterically; running away from me giggling when I would attempt to clean him up.
You see, Holden has his odd-ball sock obsession… and Parker is obsessed with snot. His most favorite thing to do lately is to shove his finger so far into his nose that I could swear he’s going to hit brain, yank it out, and immediately shove it into his mouth- all while saying “mama!” and squealing with delight.
A part of me wonders if he got sick on purpose just to have a stockpile of boogers to play with. He is certainly NOT running low right now.
In his mind, if he could make enough boogers to jump rope with like a Garbage Pail kid, it would be the BEST idea ever to get himself sick with my snotty germs.
I swear to all that is holy, if we are sick on Halloween- there will be absolute hell to pay! And I don’t give a shit if we’re all sporting snot sprinklers- we are GOING trick or treating, damnit!
What you REALLY need to make Holiday (or ANY) Travel Bearable goo.gl/fb/1BdFtj
Other moms: I finished Christmas shopping for my kids in June! Me: pic.twitter.com/FT3tlWGWd2
@CJPendragon learn something new every day!
@WeberWriting Absolutely. It takes a bit of time and juggling but it is 100% doable. Just have to ignore the sanctimommies of the world
Don't feel bad for tossing frozen chicken strips in the oven and calling it dinner. Don't even feel bad if you don't turn them over. holdinholden.com/2016/05/shit…
To the piece of crap who broke into my car over the weekend- You think you found nothing of value to steal, but you actually took with you the nasty head cold my family has been passing around in that very vehicle for the past week. Enjoy, scumbag! xoxo, Germ Infested SUV
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"