In a way, I am very similar to a child. Yes, make your jokes about how I find potty humor so hilarious- but that’s not exactly what I meant.
Kids, small kids, have absolutely no filter on the things that they say. That is me in a nutshell! The difference is the understanding of what is appropriate to say to people and what is not, that is where I differ from children. I may think things in my head, but I am very aware that if I were to say them out loud, it would be ridiculously rude- and therefore, I never do it. SHOCK! I actually try to be polite!!!
Children, they’re clueless- they say exactly what they think, in complete and brutal honesty without even a second thought or care in the world. If they are wondering something, no matter how hard it might make you cringe, they will ask it- and generally in front of a large crowd of people who will then give you the “you’re a bad parent!” glare.
This has happened to me far more times than I can count. And usually it’s not just inappropriate things, but thins that come out as completely rude when they aren’t intended to be, just because Holden doesn’t know any better.
His most frequent offense is whenever we are in public and a stranger starts to talk to him. In reality, he’s attempting to be polite because he loves his baby brother so much, and is just trying to make sure people acknowledge his existence as well, but it comes out as a shrieking command
“NOW SAY HI TO MY BABY BROTHER!”
It doesn’t matter how many times it happens (and i’ve lost count), it is ALWAYS embarrassing… and what’s worse is he yells so loudly and forcefully at people that they don’t understand what the hell he’s saying and he ends up shrieking at them again.
Or how about the other night when we went out to dinner with Thomas’ highschool friend who just had a baby girl 5 days prior. Holden, who LOVES babies, insisted on hovering over her during a diaper change. Now, if you know anything about newborn babies, you know their little lady bits are extremely swollen like they’ve been stung by a bee. Holden does not know this.
Holden sees this, and says
“What’s wrong with that baby’s pecker?”
Yes, thank you Holden, for likely embarrassing the new mom and me all at the same time- and likely giving that poor precious baby girl a complex.
The worst one recently was when we were on somewhat of a playdate over the weekend with a friend of mine who is a single mom. Holden has been around PLENTY of moms without dads around (playdates and things, the guys usually are at work) and has never even batted an eyelash… but this weekend, his little kid brain neurons were firing too rapidly to be able to control themselves
“Where’s his Daddy?”
It didn’t seem to faze my friend but I was completely horrified. Only from the mouth of a child, I swear.
Of course, there are the times Holden gets a wild orange hair up his ass and decides to be rude completely on purpose- those are the times I find myself twice as embarrassed as the accidental rudeness situations.
He has growled at strangers, barked at them not to talk to him- snaps at any and everyone that he was “NOT talking to them, I was talking to HER!”
And has even gone parental on me numerous times by telling me if I say something “ONE MORE TIME!” followed by threats ranging from slapping my face to putting random things in my food. I swear one day he’s going to wave his finger at me and put me in time out, and half the time I have no idea what I did.
All of that pales in comparison to when he was 2 years old and would tell other little kids “You’re being a DICK!”
So I guess he’s showing signs of improvement… if you can call it that.
Sometimes I wonder if when he gets older (hopefully MUCH OLDER) and has children of his own, if he will write a blog just like this one… he sure does seem to take after me in the bluntness area.
Best compliment you can give me is to tell me you hope your future kids turn out like mine. I mean, you're lying, but it's a nice compliment
Where you should be spending your Saturday night twitch.tv/holdinholden
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