It has been a LONG and somewhat stressful week. Staying in a hotel at Disneyworld was a breeze, we had a plan for every day and were rarely in the room, and food was plentiful. Not so much this week, and the room was less than desirable for two mobile children.
All I wanted to do today once we got into the car was to just get home, get the kids bathed and in bed, and plop on the couch and FINALLY relax in my own comfortable element.
I was so excited when we pulled into the driveway that after unloading the mailbox (freebies!) I nearly busted through the front door. HOME AT LAST!
And then I was smacked in the face with a HORRENDOUS smell. I honestly can’t even describe it other than to say that it was musty, pungent, and slightly putrid.
Did we leave food out to rot? What the hell happened here while we were gone?? This is not the sanctuary I left!
Thomas at first thought it was because he’d turned off the air while we were gone- but it’s not like it was a thousand degrees out.
I started wondering if perhaps this is how the house ALWAYS smells and we just never noticed it because we’re used to it. Are we the stinky family? I mean, we have one kid who smells his toilet paper after wiping his shitty ass and eats earwax… maybe we’re all just that disgusting. It’s no wonder no one ever comes over!
Then he suggested that maybe the fish died, since no one had fed it the entire time we were gone- but I went into the kitchen to check and it was alive and well, that fish will NEVER die (and i’ve been hoping).
That wasn’t the smell, but the stench was definitely stronger in the kitchen than it had been in the living room.
After turning on the air and febreezing the shit out of the main vent so a GOOD smell would get circulated throughout the house, I started making runs back to the car to get everything we needed to give the boys a good scrubbing in the bath after their romp through the mud at the pumpkin patch earlier today. When I came back in I heard Thomas yelling out in horror “AUUUGGGHHHHHHH!”
He found the smell.
In our house, we generally don’t flush after EVERY pee. With two little boys, if we did that, our water bill would be out of this world, so we “let it mellow” and only flush after a few uses.
Well, apparently we forgot we were letting it mellow in the downstairs toilet before we left.
Putrid urine, rotting in our toilet, and making the entire house smell like pure death. It is BAD!
I am only glad I didn’t see it, because I had a big dinner and the last thing I wanted to be doing was puking into a toilet filled with festering piss.
The only thing I can say is at least we don’t stink. What comes out of us and sits in a stagnant toilet for 5 days, yes, but us? no. WHEW!
I just hope it doesn’t still stink like this for the birthday party this weekend, because it appears that it’s going to be the 2nd coming of the great flood and my plans for an outdoor party are shattered.
Now I will retreat to the only part of the house that DOESN’T wreak of old peepee and get in the one thing i’ve missed the most: my bed.
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
Half-Assed Jingler Syndrome goo.gl/fb/McWfBy
@ItsEvieClaire Booze and tears
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times