It’s been 4 years- one would think that i’d be more than used to how disgusting little boys are by now, especially since I don’t have just 1, but 2 of them… 3 if you include Thomas. That’s a LOT of penis to live with on a daily basis… but no matter how long it’s been, every day I find myself shocked and disgusted in new and horrifying ways.
After repeated exposure, I finally became accustomed to Holden naming his shit depending on what might be in it or the shape it came out in, the fart jokes, and the nail biting (and I don’t mean fingers, though he does that too).
At least at home I get a break from him, he can do all the disgusting things he wants in the peace and quiet of his very own room, away from my fragile eyes and weak stomach.
Since staying in this particular hotel room, I have been exposed to things I never wanted to see. The kinds of things you pray your children NEVER do. The kinds of things that would make a man, in ANY woman’s book, completely undatable. Things that make me worry for my future grandchildren… mainly that there will BE none if Holden keeps doing the nasty things I have witnessed over the last 4 days.
Holden apparently has the impulse to constantly fiddle with his junk. I don’t know if he’s just checking if it’s still there, or if it’s sticking to his leg, or maybe he just has to pee… who the hell knows- but I find that i’ve been correcting him on it more often than I should have to. IT’S NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
Day 2, during nap time, where of course Holden wasn’t napping (the same day he scared me half to death with his mouth breathing), and I caught him in the bathroom? What I didn’t mention was that I caught him wiping his ass and sniffing it. Yes. WIPING and SNIFFING.
WHO DOES THAT?!
The kid in school that no one talks to because he’s a mouth breathing nose picking freak, that’s who.
We ate dinner tonight at a Chinese restaurant. Figured Parker has refused food pretty much all week long, and we know the kid loves him some eggrolls, so we’d cross our fingers and give it a shot and hopefully get food into him. With this dinner, of course came chopsticks. Put chopsticks in front of a kid they are going to take them and smack things, poke people, bang on the table, jab themselves in the eyes..
Holden took the chopstick, stuck it in his ear, and then licked it.
Sigh… what am I gonna do with this kid?? What’s the use of good looks if you’re the ear wax eating, poop sniffing penis toucher?
Getting my hair done today! Honestly more excited that my husband has to pick up the kids from school than I am about a fresh 'do
17 Stupidly Impossible Things our Kids Think we can do that we… well… can’t. goo.gl/fb/RrkM47
The fact that this is accurate for my life means it's finally happened: I've become my mother. pic.twitter.com/xrIGOoM5Q9
Vacation season is upon is! This is just your friendly reminder that trips with kids are NOT vacations. holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
If you've ever dreamed of having a smaller, angrier version of yourself that you have to argue with over booger eating, kids are for you.
Repeat for infinity while yelling "I JUST CLEANED THAT" pic.twitter.com/pmfEpm3hJU
I love it when my kid is proud of his new accomplishments. I just wish he wouldn't come into my room at 5am to yell them at me while I sleep
Don't grow up- it's a trap! holdinholden.com/2017/05/10-w…
FYI: When I said "enough with the cold weather! It's MAY! Give us heat!" I didn't mean that I wanted to take a vacation to Satan's anus.