I think today it finally started to make sense as to why i’ve been having so many headaches, and maybe why my back problems extended beyond the “few days” the doctor told me it should last– STRESS!
And not the typical run of the mill, my kid shit on my floor and puked in my hair type of stress, but stress i’ve put on myself; stress to be successful, to finally make something work. And this stress is due to the upcoming release of my book.
I know, I was in the music industry for 7 years, pushing hard to “make it”- and while that was incredibly stressful, it’s got nothing on this. Music came more than naturally, and a song, while very personal, took me less than a week to bang out and perfect. 3 verses and a chorus, and if it sucked, I could scrap it and move on, write a new song. It honestly was as simple as that.
When it came to writing the blog, when I first started, I felt incredibly alone; and for the first, what? 2 years? I felt like the most hated mom on the planet.
Unlike my music, NO ONE got me. It was the complete opposite. I got the nastiest comments, the meanest things said behind my back, even by friends. I don’t know why I continued blogging, I guess because I just didn’t give a shit what anyone thought, and I did have a few people who stood behind me and thought I was funny no matter what I said- and as time has gone by, that has become more and more frequent.
I feel like we are on the verge of a mommy revolution of sorts. One where we can say what we really think, we can vent, we can express our feelings on how frustrating being a mom is, and how TOUGH it is, without having to worry about how others will judge us- because it was NOT like that when I began this journey, and it’s all I ever really wanted.
My mission when it came to blogging, from the very beginning, was to just tell the truth- and MAYBE be funny if it happened to work out that way. There are so many blogs out there spewing rainbows and butterflies and insisting that all babies (especially the blogger’s own) are the most precious perfect little angel to ever grace the face of the earth- and how DARE you say “shit” in reference to what comes out of their ass!
I spent a long time tortured as to whether continuing to blog was worth it, especially after the “incident”- but I trudged on regardless, because I believed in what I was saying, and I enjoyed saying it.
And then I spent 9 months writing the book. So much different than a week on a song. 300 pages of work, 300 pages of my entire life on paper, my feelings- even the ones I DIDN’T put in the blog, on paper, soon for everyone to read… and I have been stressed. Stressed to how it will be received, if it will be popular, or if I will just get more of the same. And that stress, I think, has been living in my brain. How does a broke ass bitch promote a book she is self publishing, other than “spamming” the internet?
Again, that is where my support system has come in- and words cannot describe how much it has meant to me to have friends willing to harass every single person they know to get the word out, to get more people here, and to let everyone know that my book is coming out soon… and i’m sure i’ll be asking them to do even more of that soon- and even people who aren’t my friends, because word of mouth from those who believe in what i’ve written, and the right for a mother to tell the TRUTH, is really what puts the fuel in the gas tank of this blog and my book.
I’m so nervous about all of it, I can’t even tell you how much, and tonight I am going to be showing you the cover to the book- which is the brainchild of myself and an awesome friend of mine (Jeremy Johnson), and while it may not be the content of the book, I think it completely describes, in just one picture and a title, exactly what the book is about.
I showed it to my brother once, and he just “didn’t get it”- but he’s also never read the blog- so I hope you all get it, and love it just as much as I do. And I hope you keep spreading the word! I feel like this book is just as much yours as it is mine, because it’s not just about me or the work i’ve put into it, but an expression of myself and moms like me in a way. If i’m nervous about this, I can’t even imagine how bad my migraines will be the day the book is open for sale! ACK!
So here it is!
Spread it around like the clap, y’all!
Best compliment you can give me is to tell me you hope your future kids turn out like mine. I mean, you're lying, but it's a nice compliment
Where you should be spending your Saturday night twitch.tv/holdinholden
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