Back AWAY from the baby!

In order to save me from losing my sanity via being locked in a small room with 2 LOUD children, my friend Kristen was kind enough to come here and get us the hell OUT.

She is a life saver, and possibly a mommy saver, because after yesterday I was feeling like tossing myself out of the window- I guess it’s lucky this stupid room doesn’t have a balcony.

The only issue was that she has a little boy just a few weeks younger than Parker, and while i’ve had play dates with this same chemistry, we’ve never actually all tried to cram into a car and go somewhere that kids actually have to behave. And since we were planning on going to the Air & Space museum here… they would definitely have to act like little humans and not little monsters.

I thought for sure there would be a bitchy slap fight of epic proportions going on in the back seat. hair pulling, slapping, biting, toy snatching… SOMETHING! But nope, they all behaved very well. Parker and Damian jibber jabbed their nonsense while Holden bossed them around like the fascist dictator he is- nothing unusual about it.

Even better was when we got there and the place was basically a ghost town. EMPTY. Huge and empty. The kids could act like psycopaths and we wouldn’t get the “YOU’RE THE WORST MOTHERS EVER!” looks from stupid strangers. The only other people around were old folks, and a few groups on guided tours (zzzzz).

being that Holden is 4 years old and beyond capable of walking his happy ass around, we each only brought one stroller- for the 2 year olds.
Leave it to Holden to act like a big fat blubbering baby and insist on getting in Damian’s stroller and playing with his toys, and generally acting like a crap head.

parker decided to be the adult of the group (which really just means he was stubborn and refused to understand that he is a CHILD and needs to cooperate) and push his own stroller around, and then Damian decided to get IN said stroller.
It was quite the spectacle to behold, especially since Parker kept ramming the stroller into benches and barriers. No matter times I said “Mommy doesn’t have a million dollars to pay for a new historic airplane!” he just wouldn’t listen- just wanted to push Damian around like it was his job.

It was when we turned a corner at the back of one of the hangars that it happened- the two little boys were descended upon by a group of Asian businessmen like a flock of locusts.
I’m used to people walking up to my kids- if you don’t have an ugly baby, you just get used to strangers Oohing and Aahing and wanting to blah blah blah at you about things you don’t care about.

Out of nowhere they were completely surrounded. Something like 5 or 6 men, all wearing black pants and white buttons up, speaking in a language I could not understand. And then it got worse. They pulled out cameras.
Oh look at the two little blond boys! One is pushing the other one in a stroller! WE MUST DOCUMENT THIS!

Our kids were some wacky sideshow act.

I honestly didn’t know what to do. If I had thought they were some creepy perverts, I might have kicked them in the throats- but they seemed harmless… it all just happened so fast. A flurry of asian businessmen with cameras (video and film), swarming our kids, saying all kinds of things I couldn’t understand, taking pictures, holding Parker’s hand, doing weird little dances. Yes, weird little dances.

Kristen managed to catch one of the perpetrators on film:

I kept trying to get Parker to push Damian, just PUSH HIM FORWARD and they’ll lose interest… but they followed us for a full 2 minutes, which isn’t long but FELT like forever.

All I can think about is them going home to their families in whatever country they hail from and showing their photos and videos from their vacation and BAM, there’s Parker and Damian. What would they say?

I suppose I should be flattered because who’s going to videotape two hideous children to show their families… or maybe they would.

Parker didn’t give me a whole lot of time to ponder the whole thing because when we got back to the room and attempted lunch he puked bile and tomato skins all over the carpet.
Never a day goes by that isn’t interesting, that’s for sure.

Posted on September 20, 2011 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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