I was Holdin’ Holden in my arms, just over an hour old. You see… it all started when…
No! I won’t do that to you! Not the the details of splitting myself in half aren’t interesting, but to relive it again? 4 years after i’ve finally scrubbed the bad parts from my memory? Yeah… i’m gonna have to pass.
Plus, let me let you in on a little secret; I don’t get icked out by much, the gross stuff is the FUN stuff to talk about in my humble opinion, but when I log on to Facebook in the morning to get my daily dose of lurking other peoples lives and get met with a paragraph long status update that details water breaking, vagina bleeding, head crowning, and placenta passing as a way to say “Happy birthday” to said person’s kid, regardless of age, I shudder.
The last thing someone wants to unexpectedly read at 8 in the morning is a bloody birth story.
The short of it is: Holden is now 4 years old, and I am pretty sad about it. My baby isn’t a baby anymore! And next year he’ll be off to school and I won’t know what to do with myself, and i’m not sure Parker will either. We’ll likely drive each other insane.
We didn’t have big plans for Holden’s birthday today, seeing as how we’re going to DC tomorrow and figured we could do some fun things up there- but I expected it to be an easy going lovely day of celebrating the birth of my first crotch rocket.
Both kids were monstrous for the majority of the day, and after last night being nervous about showing the cover of my book to everyone, I lost count of how many drinks I had and today had a serious case of what has recently been monikered to me as “sting ring” because of it.
Then I had the brilliant idea to let Holden pick out a toy from Toys R Us because we’re saving his other gifts for the party next weekend and he threw the largest tantrum known to man over not being able to get in the cart with it and I had to take the toy he picked out away from him- and then the entire 20 minute drive home he screamed bloody fucking murder about the balloon he got at lunch and how he wanted it back- and I damn near popped it right in front of him.
So yes, Happy birthday Holden. Love you in all your birthday douchy glory- but man am I glad it is over!
I am currently wondering if perhaps I AM completely insane by going to DC with the boys, or if i’d be even more insane to stay home alone with them.
It’s going to be a LONG week. Wish me luck! And maybe send me a bit of your sanity.
17 Stupidly Impossible Things our Kids Think we can do that we… well… can’t. goo.gl/fb/RrkM47
The fact that this is accurate for my life means it's finally happened: I've become my mother. pic.twitter.com/xrIGOoM5Q9
Vacation season is upon is! This is just your friendly reminder that trips with kids are NOT vacations. holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
If you've ever dreamed of having a smaller, angrier version of yourself that you have to argue with over booger eating, kids are for you.
Repeat for infinity while yelling "I JUST CLEANED THAT" pic.twitter.com/pmfEpm3hJU
I love it when my kid is proud of his new accomplishments. I just wish he wouldn't come into my room at 5am to yell them at me while I sleep
Don't grow up- it's a trap! holdinholden.com/2017/05/10-w…
FYI: When I said "enough with the cold weather! It's MAY! Give us heat!" I didn't mean that I wanted to take a vacation to Satan's anus.
10 Ways Childhood is WAY BETTER than Adulthood goo.gl/fb/j0vnoQ