I think it must be a normal thought in any woman’s mind when her period is late, even if she’s had her tubes tied, that she may be pregnant. I am not immune to this. Even if there’s been no sex, even if I know we’ve been as careful as humanly possible, every time my period is late- panic sets in. Pure, sheer panic.
This month was no different.
I don’t keep track of my periods anymore, Thomas knows when they come more than I do, but even I knew this month it was late. I kept and kept waiting for it to come, and it just never did.
That oh-so familiar feeling started to set in, and my mind raced. I knew we’d been even MORE careful after Parker than we ever have been before- even so far as to where I was refusing sex altogether until Thomas went out and bought protection since my body appears to be allergic to birth control.
Condoms unfortunately do not offer 100% protection. Nothing does except abstinence and being Mary Magdalene. So while I didn’t think I was, I knew there was that SLIM possibility.
I watched my stomach grow to a gigantic bloated size. I had cramps and back aches. I felt tired and irritable… still no period. The problem with period symptoms is that they basically mimic those of pregnancy.
I think I stressed myself out so much that I woke up the other morning horribly nauseous.
I started thinking about how if I was pregnant… we’d have to move. Our house isn’t big enough for 3 kids unless we make Holden and Parker share a room. YEAH RIGHT on that one, buddy. We’d need a bigger car, our kids barely fit in the back of the one we have- which we bought right before I gave birth to Parker because we needed the extra space. I thought about how we’d go absolutely broke. I thought about how my body would literally fall apart if I had to push out another kid.
And then I woke up this morning, after all of that panic, and the toilet looked like a murder scene. RELIEF!
Relief that only lasted for a few seconds, because then I started feeling like absolute shit. Just like every time my period is late the pregnancy panic starts to set in, every time my period is late, when it does eventually come, it ends up being the most MISERABLE period ever.
I swear I want to rip out my ovaries and burn them right now. All i’ve wanted to do all day is curl up into a ball and die. And I have ZERO patience… the kids know this, and they decided to be on their worst behavior.
Curse these ovaries. Thomas is complaining he’s tired… I may have to smother him with a pillow. He should try having his insides in a vice grip and see how it feels.
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