Tonight I have an all too familiar sense of dread washing over me, one i’ve felt far too many times before when it comes to Parker and what might be coming around the corner for him.
He’s had so many ups and downs, so many tests and seen so many specialists that I never know what to expect. We’re told one thing, and it turns out to be nothing, or something completely off the wall.
We’ve had tests that if they came out positive would be completely life altering, and spent so much time stressing over them all for nothing.
Tomorrow seems to be no different. Although Parker has issues, he is healthy- and that’s more than I can say before going into any test in the past, but tomorrow could be life changing for other reasons.
He has his appointment with the orthopedist tomorrow, and if things go how i’ve been told they will, tomorrow morning will be the last time he walks without at least one brace on his legs.
It’s a scary thought, because if it goes that way, he will never be the same. I know it’s nothing huge, not like the cystic fibrosis test he had to endure, or the stomach ultrasound because his liver enzymes were elevated, or all of the breathing treatments and possible hospitalization because of RSV, but having braces on his legs and lifts in his shoes will absolutely change his life.
It’s going to be constricting, and he isn’t going to be pleased about having to wear contraptions on his legs and shoes for the majority of every day. And there’s even the possibility that there could be something structurally wrong with his legs or even his pelvis, even though no one’s ever noticed anything abnormal before… you just never know when it comes to Parker.
I honestly never in a million years thought we’d end up at this point, and while I realize it could be FAR worse, it’s still very stressful and very sad to have to see your child go through so much in such a short period of time, and to have to do things and wear things that make him miserable, just to attempt to make him better.
All i’ve ever wanted for his entire life is for him to be “normal”, whatever that is. Just to have a happy yet boring existence.
Tomorrow could be yet another fruitless appointment to add to our increasingly long list, or it could change the way we live for who knows how long.
I’m stressed, to say the least. I have no idea how this is going to go, but I CAN tell you, if ends up with braces on his legs… i’m going to be very sad. It just seems unfair to put one little boy through so many things. If it’s not one thing, it’s another… and it’s always another with him.
Wish us luck.
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