Just like poop, the topic of my boobs has been covered pretty thoroughly around these parts. Not as much, mind you, but enough for people to know that I have boob issues.
I’ve had infected boob, clogged boob, swollen boob, sad boob- When it comes down to it, my boobs are delusional.
No, they aren’t two different sizes, and I don’t have one nipple that stares at the sky while the other stares at the ground- but the dumb things can’t seem to make up their minds.
One day i’m one size, and the next, i’m a different. It’s made buying bras in the past a serious hassle, because NOTHING seems to fit correctly.
I went out recently in search for a good strapless bra- and no shock- I couldn’t find one to fit me. The closest I could come was a bra that will convert into razorback. Close enough I guess.
The problem is always introduced when it comes to finding the right size and the right color. I measure one size, but when I go to put that size on, the appearance is of someone trying to squeeze into a bra 3 sizes too small. I end up with 4 boobs instead of two. How I can measure that size and NEVER fit into it? Don’t ask me. I don’t get it either.
I always end up going the next cup size up, but that’s really a crapshoot. In the past, that size has fit in the store, but once I get the bra home, it’s too big. Not big enough for anyone but me to notice, but it’s frustrating because I feel like I constantly have to adjust it.
It’s either that or quadruple boob- which would you choose?
This time around was no different. Yet again, I tried on the size i’m supposed to fit into according to the measuring tape, and yet again, I didn’t come close to even fitting into it. The next size up, the crap shoot size, fit perfectly. I loved it! It made my boobs, for once, look outrageously good.
The problem with the crapshoot size? It’s rare. The only colors I can get it in without special ordering it is white, tan, or black. I didn’t want white tan or black.
I swear when I tell people I have to special order my bras they immediately assume that my boobs are a 56GGG, but that isn’t the case! I’m a 32C, and you’d think I was a leper with the flaming hoops I have to go through the get a bra I want in a color I want. Damn small rib cage. If only my waist were that small.
Or even in a color i’m OK with. I couldn’t get any of the colors I liked… I had to settle with hideous, or decent. I went with decent, and it took a week to get mailed to me.
I half expected to get it and be infuriated by it suddenly being too big, but not the case. I’d venture as far to say that perhaps it’s a little small. There is NO WAY IN HELL I am a D. I don’t even fully believe i’m a C. I’ve always been a card carrying member of the itty-bitty-titty-committee. How I wear a C escapes me.
My boobs should just make up their minds. Your one size, or you aren’t! I don’t have the money to be buying all different sizes for whatever mood my boobs happen to be in on any given day.
You wouldn't sniff a stranger's butt to see who pooped their pants.... so you probably shouldn't do these other parental things to strangers, either. holdinholden.com/2017/12/weir…
Weird Things you do for your kids but not Strangers goo.gl/fb/oVuwvG
Tis the season! pic.twitter.com/5VgMLnt22E
I am weak pic.twitter.com/LYdRQ6EZcC
You know that feeling when you don't chew a chip all the way and it cuts you all the way down and you swear it's gonna kill you, but you go ahead have another right after? That's what it's like when you decide to have another kid.