A big yucky lump

I’ve been dieting for so long now, I can’t even remember a time when I wasn’t… well, I take that back- the last time I wasn’t dieting was while I was pregnant. It’s been THAT long.

At first, and for a while after that- my tactics were working. I dropped the majority of weight from the very beginning, and the rest seemed to be slowly but surely coming off. Smaller pants were fitting, I was feeling more comfortable with myself- all was on the road to being back to my usual self… with larger hips mind you, but i’d come to terms with that after Holden.

And then all of the progress came to a screeching halt. No more weight loss… in fact, it seemed to be the opposite. Instead of feeling smaller as my dieting and exercising continued, I started feeling bigger. The scale doesn’t agree, as the number there either stays the same or drops- but the number has never really mattered much to me- only how I feel about myself. And as time goes by, I feel worse and worse.

The past few days i’ve felt absolutely disgusted. I feel like I have tiny skinny limbs and a gigantic stomach, it doesn’t make sense.

Something has to give, because I can’t handle living in this round lumpy body anymore. It’s so bad i’ve even considered diet pills, and that’s not something I ever thought I would say.

I’ve been doing the same thing with my diet and my exercise for so long, that it’s time to make a drastic change. It’s clear that i’ve become immune to my tactics. It wants to hold onto the weight and make me look completely disproportionate.
I thought i’d been pushing myself, but I knew it wasn’t enough- so now it would seem that I have to push until I don’t feel like I can anymore, and then push some more. I am NOT looking forward to it. I have to change what i’m eating, which likely won’t be fun either.

As miserable as it might all make me- hopefully this time around the change won’t come to a screeching halt and then add all the fat I lost from my ass onto my stomach.

Posted on June 6, 2011 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
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