Now that I can actually move my head without searing pain from the middle of my back into the center of my head- I thought i’d take the time to explain a little more about my little episode the other night where my pillow tried to kill me.
When I first bought the thing, it was heaven! I finally realized that all my life i’d been sleeping on the wrong kind of pillow. I’d gone for soft when really I needed firm- and that first night I brought it home I slept better than i’d slept in a VERY long time.
The bliss did not last. Let’s face it, that pillow was CHEAP as hell! I bought it on super clearance “after Christmas” sale at Target. It cost me under $5, and you know what they say about getting what you pay for.
Lately it’s been a serious battle with that thing to get ANY volume into it to be able to get a comfortable night’s rest. It’s lumpy on the outside, flat in the middle- and no matter how much I beat it, it just doesn’t change. I’ve been tossing and turning, turning and tossing, waking up and not being able to fall back asleep.
It’s been clear i’ve needed a new pillow for a while, but every time we’re out, I conveniently forget that fact.
Wednesday night was no exception. I did my usual routine of toss, turn, turn toss, and then my eyes shot open. I attempted to roll over in order to get comfortable, but was met with SHARP terrible pain. I couldn’t move. Could.not.move. As hard as I tried, the pain was just too intense to make moving anywhere worth it.
In a panic, I called out to Thomas, hoping he’d wake up and help me… do what? I don’t know. Just help I guess. He didn’t answer. He is the heaviest sleeper on earth, so I started swatting next to me since I couldn’t turn my head to look at him. Instead of making contact with what I hoped was his face, I hit bed. There was no one beside me.
I keep swatting aimlessly, hoping i’ve just missed him- but there’s no one there. Thomas is gone. It’s still dark out, he doesn’t leave when it’s still dark out… he leaves in the middle of breakfast. Where the fuck is he??
I hiss his name loudly into the room, hoping for a response- maybe he just got up to take a pee… but after a few minutes with still no response, panic turns to straight up freaking out.
I’m stuck here in bed and Thomas is GONE. What the hell do I do?
The only think I could think to do was to get up and look for him… and it must have taken me 10 minutes of struggling and crying and writhing around to finally roll my ass out of bed and hobble my way out of the room. I check the couches, he’s not there, the kitchen? nope. Bathroom? empty. I even looked out the front windows to check if his car was still in the driveway, it was.
He disappeared off the face of the damn earth!
Finally I get a thought, the only place left he could logically be: Holden’s room. Though I don’t know why he’d be in there at this time if I couldn’t hear Holden having his bi-nightly freak out.
I walk up to his door and notice it’s cracked open. Usually it’s latched shut. I pushed open the door, eyes still not adjusted to the dark, and called into the room:
“Thomas? Thomas! Are you in there?”
I hear stirring, and then a deep sleepy groan. Sure enough, there he was, in bed asleep with Holden. Why? The world may never know! Not even his dumb ass can remember how or why he got into Holden’s bed and went to sleep. Not a clue!
Personally, I think both Thomas and my pillow are plotting to kill me. Holden was Thomas’ alibi.
Can you think of a better reason??
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