I think I have created a monster.
Due to potty training and the high level of irritation I get by having to put Parker’s pants on and off of him 20+ times per day, he doesn’t really wear pants around the house. Scratch that: he doesn’t wear them at all around the house anymore. All I ever see is bare baby thigh.
While I sometimes feel like i’m not getting enough use out of Parker’s pants, it definitely helps us to get in and out of the bathroom without a lot of fighting over shoving legs into pants holes, and Parker doesn’t seem to mind- so it works out for everyone.
Unfortunately, I think Parker has taken this trend of being bare where everyone else is clothed and ran with it.
It started with his socks. Even though he doesn’t wear pants, it’s still sort of chilly out most mornings (if not most days), so I think socks are important, especially when you have hardwood floors.
This was not pleasing to Master Parker, and now every single day I find him tearing around a corner, one sock missing. And every single day, for the life of me, I can NOT find the missing sock! He must have a secret hiding place, or a loose floorboard to stash them under- because they’re gone. He’s worse than that pesky sock gnome.
Finally, it got to the point where I was having to chase him down and put his socks back on upwards of 5 times in an hour. I gave up. I let him know (even if he didn’t understand) that the next time he took his sock off, I wasn’t going to be putting it back on him…
He spent a good 6 hours yesterday only wearing one sock. Ridiculous. The rest of the night was spent with none.
He ditched his socks within 5 minutes of waking up this morning. Good thing summer time is right around the corner- he won’t be needing socks then.
This is not the end of our story, because the problem only started with socks. It did not end at socks.
You see, wearing no pants means that Parker has full access to his diaper- which he has begun to hate.
I hear that familiar tearing of velcro sound, look over to where Parker is, and see him with his diaper hanging off of one leg- and him intently fiddling with the whole contraption. Most of the time I hear nothing at all and just catch him running around the house with one cheek hanging out.
Now he has graduated to full on streaking. He could win the Olympic medal for fastest and quietest stripping off of diaper. One second he has it on, you look away, and suddenly the house is filled with maniacal laughter as Parker sprints past you- throwing his diaper at you as he goes.
Put it back on him? Two seconds later it’s off again. I don’t know how he does it! It’s magic.
I really wouldn’t mind him being diaperless if he’d stop crapping himself. Also a new habit he’s picked up, but not exactly amusing like the other two.
We all know I don’t like finding poop on my floor.
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
Half-Assed Jingler Syndrome goo.gl/fb/McWfBy
@ItsEvieClaire Booze and tears
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times