How not to be defensive

I’m going to pose a scenario of sorts and a question to anyone reading this blog and hope that someone can help me, because i’m slightly stuck in the place i’m at.

A lot of you may know about a specific chapter of my book, the one that most people seem to be the most excited to read. If you don’t, I don’t want to give too much away about it, but basically I was attacked online by a group of women (strangers.)
I never addressed it on the blog because it was such a ridiculous and ongoing situation that I didn’t want to inflame it any farther by bringing more attention to it.

When I started the book I KNEW I wanted to write about it. Online bullying is something that needs more attention brought to it, and since it happened to me, I thought I could shed some light. Plus I really wanted to finally be able to tell the story, since never before have I had the chance to explain everything that happened… and i’m dying to tell it. It’s been eating at me that I haven’t yet- so this is my chance.

I wrote the chapter and had a few friends read over it to see what they thought- and they came back with the same conclusion I had about it: I come off as defensive. A lot of lies were told about me, horrible lies, ones I never openly disputed. I want the chapter to be completely honest- but I don’t want to sound like i’m defending myself to a jury.
How can I not, though? If I am honest about everything that was said about me, shouldn’t I then also say what the truth actually is?
I’m between a rock and a hard place. I’m inching closer in the editing process to that chapter, and I know it needs to be changed, but I don’t know how to do it. I’m honestly dreading getting to that chapter and reading again how whiny I sound. I was a victim, yes, but I don’t want to sound like i’m playing that as my only card. I don’t want it to come out as “poor poor me”, but I also feel like it’s so important that my point of view gets out there. Does that make sense?

So how do I do it? How do I tell the full and true story, from my side, of being attacked by a group of women without sounding defensive?? Help!

Posted on April 3, 2011 by Holdin' Holden 2 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • You can’t help but be defensive, people were attacking you !!
    But, maybe you can write about it objectively first, without your side of the story, and then write about how it made you feel, and why you felt that way by adding the actual truth…if that makes any sense.

  • It does make sense! To do it that way would work, but would mean a TOTAL rewrite. May be necessary, we’ll see when I get there I suppose!