The way things were working out- my stupid period wouldn’t come until AFTER our Disney trip. My period may not be regular as far as how long in between, but typically it’s always late and never early. Being that my last one was at the beginning of this month, I figured the next would come at the beginning of April, meaning the end of April (our Disney trip) would be spared, as the next after that wouldn’t come until early May.
I can never guarantee that of course, but as little as I know my cycles, I know them well enough to know that early NEVER happens- so end of April seemed impossible for my period to strike.
Wouldn’t you know it, last night I got that oh-so familiar cramp starting in my stomach area. A lot of things feel similar to early period cramps. Gas especially. I’d made carne asada for the first time last night for dinner, and my stomach being the ornery bitch that it is? I figured it could easily just be gas from the lemon juice, garlic and onion marinade I cooked it in. For sensitive stomachs that sounds like a recipe for explosive shits, gas would have been the easy way out.
With most of my tummy troubles, I can go to sleep, wake up and feel totally normal. Not the case this time around. I woke up and the cramps were STILL paining me. At that point I thought it MUST be my period… even though with every past period I don’t get cramps until AFTER the blood starts-a-flowin’, having gas four hours upon hours just doesn’t make sense.
Don’t even let pregnancy run through your heads right now! I know you’re thinking it- and lemme tell you, i’m even more positive than I was before Parker’s immaculate conception that it’s not even remotely possible.
In the act of full disclosure, i’ll tell you that I HAVE in fact been farting and pooping all day, attractive I know. I’m wondering if my stomach has caught on to the strange pooping/non-pooping trend and has decided to fuck with me.
I’m honestly crossing my fingers the blood doesn’t start in the next few days because I honestly can NOT imagine walking around Disney bleeding from my nethers. Anyone with a period knows how miserable that would be… and with my periods? My whole crotch ACHES all day long like it’s going to fall off. Walking for 8 hours + per day and the heat combined with that? It would be death. This is supposed to be a vacation, not bloody vagina aching fest.
I've never had a near death experience, but I DID find 2 spiders in my house this morning, and that's pretty much the same thing.
If you like to be constantly criticized over your peanut butter to jelly ratio on sandwiches, being a parent is definitely for you.
It's called "Mom Tax" and it applies to ALL SWEETS OBTAINED BY CHILDREN pic.twitter.com/VExGwIOdBn
Live now on Twitch! Come hang out! twitch.tv/holdinholden
How I Unwind the Kids During Summertime goo.gl/fb/bqcdoV
Kid: When do I get the tablet back? Me: Thursday aftern--- Kid: *Yelling* I'LL NEVER GET IT BACK! Me: Okay, I guess never, then. #kidlogic
Being an adult is stupid. pic.twitter.com/ghkAP7UbIt
Me watching #AmericanNinjaWarrior: HAHA weak ass grip strength! Also me: Can't open a pickle jar.