Today was one of those terrible days where you honestly just CAN NOT WAIT until the kids are in bed so you finally have some peace and quiet. But today wasn’t one of those days for the usual reasons. The kids weren’t being too bad, or too loud, or too unruly. I can’t really explain it, but during nap time, the quietest time of the day- my head started pounding SO badly that it seriously felt like it might explode.
I tried popping that new fangled 12-hour aleve once the kids woke up but it didn’t do any good… even after 2 more my head is still aching. Not quite as bad, there’s no vampire-esque aversion to light anymore, but my head still frickin’ HURTS..
That was all my lead up to tell you my blog tonight won’t be as long or probably as funny as I personally think it usually is. I do however have a little story that I think needs to be told.
All the time I joke with Parker about how if he keeps pushing SO damn hard in order to squeeze out a turd he’s going to give himself a hernia or hemorrhoids. And i’ve told him that I know from experience that hemorrhoids are NOT something he wants to get. Obviously with his age, my joking with him was really just that because I never thought he could ever actually get either of those things just by trying to take a dump. It seemed improbable, maybe even impossible to actually happen.
As I was lotioning Parker last night, getting him ready for bed- when I lifted his legs back to get his butt I noticed something strange waving at me from his little hole. Although I didn’t want to, I got my face in there for a better look- and sure enough it was what appeared to be a hemorrhoid. A funky little piece of skin hanging out of his anus. I recoiled, EW, seriously??? Just couldn’t believe it, but it was there, staring me in the face- wiggling every time he moved or laughed.
I really didn’t think it was possible, but I guess it is! Poor thing! All the prunes we give him at breakfast are clearly not helping his bowel movements to come out any more easily.
What can I do about it? Will it just go away? Or is this just going to be the beginning of a lot of butt trouble for him?
Person on tv: Age is just a number! 10yo: Yeah, a number that pulls you closer to death.
Party animal over here pic.twitter.com/OVpKPuu4Yc
Proving to my kids that they ARE Friends goo.gl/fb/QbSSNp
Writing my next book Me: My period inspired a whole new chapter! Husband: Your lack of period inspired a whole book... Me: pic.twitter.com/fpNHwnYeAF
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Valentine's Day before 4pm and I'm already putting on pajamas because my uterus is bloated to the size of a Buick and erupting like Mount Vesuvius so I guess you could say I'm feeling PRETTY romantic.