This blog is no stranger to the subject of poop- we all know that. I estimate that out of ALL the blogs i’ve ever written, 45% have at least something to do with poop. That’s just how much I write about it. Some people consider themselves connoisseurs of wine, some of movies, some of food- but me? I’m the connoisseur of poop. Sometimes you just gotta own it!
Generally, everyone always finds my blogs about bodily excrement hilarious. Cringe worthy yes, but also very funny.. because i’ve always been pretty decent at wording my experiences with #2 cleverly enough to walk that thin line between hilarious and heave-worthy.
Well, it appears that last night’s blog may very well have crossed that line. Personally, I thought it was hilarious.. only because I wasn’t smelling it anymore, and because i’d been through it myself and NOTHING could be worse than that- but over the course of last night and today I received 3 comments from 3 separate people saying the blog made them anywhere from slightly queasy to nauseous enough to have to take some pepto (although I blame that mostly on an over sensitive stomach).
Now I can’t be sure what threw it over that line- but i’d imagine it was most likely the comparing liquid diarrhea to a machine gun exploding into the toilet (ok, seriously, i’m STILL chuckling about that one), or maybe saying it was like he was peeing out of his butt (also one of my favorites!)
I suppose some people just don’t find poop as funny as me.. but I figure if I can sit through it and smell it and SEE it with an upset stomach and still find it funny the next day- other people should be able to as well!
Maybe for future blogs I should have to learn that SICK poops are not funny, just disturbing.. while rogue turds and the occasional blowout and eye burning farts are.
And I suppose after a blog like last night I shouldn’t tell you that Holden crapped his pants twice today and it had the consistency of wet sand.. and that as the day progressed Parker’s began to match, which is disturbing on many levels. Perhaps I should refrain from describing the smell as year old left open cat food mixed with a body rotting in a sewer..
Hey, but at least I didn’t explain last night that the vomit was orange and chunky and sprayed the wall like a water balloon, or that Holden’s poop was so liquidy that it saturated his sock and turned it a lovely shade of tan. At least I didn’t go that far! That definitely would have been crossing the line, don’t you think?
@Julieannefiu I still sing WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE. I think they're lying about the "real" lyrics
I sang SO many embarrassingly wrong song lyrics with such confidence. pic.twitter.com/Ww5TaAxY3r
@AndreaPerez0217 Not that I'm biased, but I highly recommend ;) Hope you enjoy!
Parenthood: you think it's gonna be all hugs & booboo kisses, but it's really cooking food everyone hates & scraping boogers off of walls.
School system: Here! Have a half day on Friday the 13th! Me: pic.twitter.com/Dy18C8R3dD
Spooking the Kids Without Scarring them for LIFE With Netflix! (and a giveaway!) goo.gl/fb/tkeWgB
I've never felt more in tune with nature than while watching my 8yo barf in the front yard this morning like a wild animal. Such majesty.