Those three things may sound like the premise of any of your basic low-rent porno films, but you should know by now that my life reads nothing like one of those. Please!
I suppose my life does have a few things in common with cheesy pornos, and those would be screaming, slapping and hair pulling. Every day, all day. That is my total existence as it currently stands.
At first I thought it was just a matter of Parker having personal space issues. Goes hand in hand with his food sensitivities and slight sensory issues. And Holden knows no bounds when it comes to personal space. If he’s attempting to have a conversation with you, he is IN your face. Like he thinks you can’t hear him if he’s any farther away than 2 inches. Quite obnoxious, I must say. I didn’t blame Parker for giving Holden a good shove, or a healthy pop to the head.
As time goes on, I have come to realize it’s turned into a lot more than just a case of personal space invasion. It’s now a healthy dose of sibling rivalry, my worst fear.
Parker is a violent little firecracker, something i’m not used to. Holden is the gentle giant. He never hit, bit, slapped, or pulled any other kids hair. Even at his brattiest, he doesn’t take it out physically.
For the past week, all I hear all day long is screaming and grunting from Parker, and “OUCH!” from Holden after he gets a nice yank on his hair or a slap straight to the face. He seems to take great pleasure in repeatedly pulling at Holden’s head.
And still, Holden does not learn just to stay out of the kids face! Glutton for punishment, he just keeps going back for more.
Half out of his obnoxious smothering nature, and half because he just loves his little brother so much that it doesn’t matter how much abuse he takes.
I need to nip it in the bud before it turns into the punching, nose-breaking fights my brother and I used to have growing up. That is the least fun thing I could ever imagine happening. I can see why now my Mom felt like she was going to “take us back to the cabbage patch” by the end of every day.
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
Half-Assed Jingler Syndrome goo.gl/fb/McWfBy
@ItsEvieClaire Booze and tears
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times