Ever since that whole incident in the restaurant where I was smacked in the face with the WORST smelling poop i’ve ever had the misfortune to smell, my ability to hold back a gag has practically vanished. In situations where I used to be able to just hold my breath or breathe through my mouth and get through the situation without any kind of complications (ie; gagging), I started experiencing more difficulty.
And then the stomach flu tore my house apart. After over a week of vomiting and diarrhea and having diapers so full of liquid shit that I had to empty them out in the toilet before they exploded all over my house- the ability to suppress again completely vanished.
Gone. No more!
I literally have NO control over it. If Holden poops in the potty, which never used to bother me in the slightest, even when he was calling it “banana doodoo” or telling me “that doodoo smells like chicken!”, now causes insta-gag reaction from me.
Parker’s craps are even worse because he empties his bowels into a little potty that I then have to empty into the big one.. and sometimes chunks get left behind. GAG GAG GAG! I am lucky I haven’t actually crossed the threshold into full-on vomiting yet.
It’s gotten SO bad, in fact, that I even find myself gagging at my own crap.. and trust me, it ain’t that bad.
I can’t look at the poop, I can’t think about the poop, if there poop is there.. and I know it’s there- i’m gagging.
Since Holden’s battle with the stomach flu he’s developed a strange fascination with puking. I guess at first his stomach was still a little upset and he would INSIST he had to puke (he pronounces POOK) “I have to pook mommy, my tummy hurts!”.. but once the tummy ache went away, it turned into more of a joke for him to run around making gagging sounds.
Only a few times at first.. but once he noticed I was gagging all the time because of the sheer volume of crap coming out of both of my kids, it became the most hilarious thing in the world to him to make fun of me.
He takes a crap? Instantly he’s play-gagging at it
“EEHH EHHH EEHHHHHH! That’s DISGUSTING! I’M GONNA POOK! EEHHH EHHH EHHH!” (sound out those EH’s as your best vomiting noise, that’s what it sounds like)
Even If I DON’T gag, he gags. Every time Parker takes a dump Holden comes running into the bathroom
“I’M GONNA POOK! EEHHH EHHHH EHHH! IT SMELLS LIKE CHICKEN AGAIN! EHHH EHHH EHHH!”
Now he’s even moved on to farting
“EW DADDY FARTED!!! EHH EHH. I’M GONNA POOK EVERYWHERE! IT SMELLS SO BAD!”
The kid takes a hell of a lot of pleasure in my misfortune. There I am, trying SO hard not to actually vomit because, for some stupid ass reason, I can no longer handle fecal matter being in my general vicinity, and he’s running around the house fake-gagging and laughing like a maniac.
It must be nice to have no sense of smell!
Seriously though, isn’t it a little young for him to be making fun of people? It’s a little high on the sadistic level for a 3 year old, is it not? I know kids his age are really frickin’ evil, but I didn’t think they quite had the mental capacity yet to actually make fun of someone on purpose. It wouldn’t surprise me if Holden is the only one. I lie in wait for the day his sense of smell kicks in.. and then i’m going to drop a huge load in the toilet and lock him in the bathroom with it.
It’s the little things in life that can make you happy, y’all. The little things.
@Julieannefiu I still sing WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE. I think they're lying about the "real" lyrics
I sang SO many embarrassingly wrong song lyrics with such confidence. pic.twitter.com/Ww5TaAxY3r
@AndreaPerez0217 Not that I'm biased, but I highly recommend ;) Hope you enjoy!
Parenthood: you think it's gonna be all hugs & booboo kisses, but it's really cooking food everyone hates & scraping boogers off of walls.
School system: Here! Have a half day on Friday the 13th! Me: pic.twitter.com/Dy18C8R3dD
Spooking the Kids Without Scarring them for LIFE With Netflix! (and a giveaway!) goo.gl/fb/tkeWgB
I've never felt more in tune with nature than while watching my 8yo barf in the front yard this morning like a wild animal. Such majesty.