I feel like it’s been too long since my last Holdenisms blog- and it’s not because Holden is any less weird or random, but these days his personality is made up of 75% attitude and 25% weird instead of the other way around. Plus, I have a second mobile child now, which makes it harder to keep track and write down all the strange things that come out of Holden’s mouth for everyone’s enjoyment.
I did manage to catch a few recently that I thought i’d share.
Lately Holden’s favorite word is “actually.” Everything is started with or ending with actually.
He’ll ask me what something is, and i’ll tell him, and then he’ll respond “Actually, I think it’s ___”
Or he’ll be talking to me and say “No, it’s that, actually“
Always all-knowing and slightly condescending. As if he was giving me the answer instead of me giving it to him and him just reiterating it. Holden thinks he’s a super genius.
Along with that is a large dose of sass. If I tell him “You have peanut butter on your face” he snaps back with “YOUR FACE!”, next up will be “that’s what she said!” and i’ll feel like i’m in a constant re-run of The Office.
Even though Holden loves vegetables, for some reason lately he’s had this extreme hatred of peas. They used to be his favorite, but it seems they’ve had a falling out and he hates them with a fiery passion.
The other night during dinner, we were eating a bake I made that had mixed veggies in it.. including peas, of course. We were also watching some new show (which ‘stars’ a girl I went to middle school with) about balloons while eating.
Holden notices a pea on his fork along with the rest of the food. He announces
“I told you I don’t like peas!”
I insisted they are yummy and he’s going to eat it whether he likes it or not
“I told you I don’t like the flavor!”
Again, I insisted that they are good and he needs to eat the bite of food WITH the pea on the fork, all the while he’s trying to pick it off before he’ll take the bite.
“If you don’t take that pea off my fork i’m going to smack your face with that balloon on the TV!”
It’s one of those moments where you know you should punish them for being so damn mean, but you can’t stop laughing long enough to scold them.
Every Friday Holden gets a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It’s his absolute favorite- but being that he’s already in the 100th percentile for weight, it’s just too fattening to give to him ALL the time, so he gets it once a week as a special treat.
On Monday we happened to be out of lunch meat and the only option was to give him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
I told him “Holden, you’re getting a peanut butter and jelly sandwich today, ok?”
He looks at me with a shocked expression, “Mommy, are you serious??”
“Yes, we’re out of turkey so you’re getting a PB&J”
He was just so damn shocked that he was going to get one on a day that wasn’t Friday he just couldn’t believe it. I was surprised he knew to use the word serious in such context. Proof positive that I strongly overuse the word and he’s picked up on it.
Of course, Holden is still describing his crap and now Parker’s crap to me in intimate detail that makes me want to gag, but that’s nothing out of the ordinary for him. He still tells me his “pecker is hard” instead of saying he needs to go pee, and he calls everyone “you little baby butthole!”
I’m sad to say that Holdenisms are getting fewer and more far between as he gets older. Or maybe I just suck and can’t remember them like I used to. It could be either. I know he makes me laugh every day, so he definitely hasn’t changed.. just evolved.
@mental_meanders I've lasted 6 years. I'll be damned if they nab me now!
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