On a typical weekend night, Thomas and I will sit on the couch.. watch tv or browse the web on our laptops, and have a few drinks of the spirited kind.
While i’ve been known to somehow manage to have too much, or maybe just didn’t eat a big enough dinner- and find myself sloppy drunk, it doesn’t happen very often. I know my limits! I don’t like to puke… at all. And I don’t like being hung over the next day since I have kids to take care of, so after a certain number of drinks I know it’s time to cut myself off.
It seems that whenever we have people over though.. I ALWAYS lose track of how much i’ve had. I guess just having people around, having fun.. and the fact that i’m rarely around other adults- I go overboard. Every. Single. Time.
There is a very thin, very fine line from happily buzzed/somewhat drunk to total word slurring, crawling on the floor asshat. I wish I could say I never cross that line.. especially not in front of anyone but Thomas. I’m not that lucky!
Last night I had two lady friends come over.. and like the lame-o that I am, we played Bananagrams and card games. We were all drinking and having a good time- and just like every other time I lost track of how many drinks i’d had. I went from feeling just fine- to not being able to sit up. I laid down on the floor.. and like an old woman who broke her hip- I couldn’t get back up. I tried as hard as I could and it just wasn’t happening. I knew then that game night was over. I decided the best thing to do would be to just get my drunk ass into bed, but I couldn’t get up in order to walk there.. so making even more of an ass of myself- I crawled.
Once I finally got myself into bed, my stomach instantly began to turn.. and I knew I needed to puke. Great! Even more embarrassing!
Thomas ran to the kitchen and grabbed me a pot.. and BLEEEHHH. I was done for. It was only a half puke, but it was enough to be totally mortifying. I fell right asleep after that, and while I woke up feeling decent physically.. all I could think about was what an ass I made of myself.
I sent out apologetic texts for my ridiculous behavior, and of course my friends understood, but my ego is definitely bruised.
Next time, i’m bringing out a pen and paper and marking my drinks down and cutting myself OFF to avoid further humiliation. I’m holding everyone else to it- do not make me another drink! ESPECIALLY if I get the hiccups- that is a sure fire sign that Jenny is going to be puking if you put another drink in her hand. Don’t do it!
What's that smell? A lot of pants on fire. pic.twitter.com/bVK0FnJgeB
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