For the past week or so, by the end of the day, EVERY day, I have had a searing headache that is always borderline migraine. It’s awful, and it’s miserable.
Usually I can blame it on screaming children, as mine have been screaming practically nonstop. I think that would give anyone a massive headache.
Yesterday that headache turned into extreme stomach pain, which turned into my ass giving the toilet a run for its money. I couldn’t eat breakfast, and could hardly eat lunch my stomach was in so much pain.
It was so bad that Thomas almost took a half day off of work to come home and help me deal with the kids- but by the evening I was feeling much better.
It’s not like I don’t get random stomach sickness. That happens more frequently than i’d like, unfortunately.. but this pain was something I had not yet experienced.
I thought it could possibly be some kind of stomach bug. Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten that dessert along with a hot chocolate when I went out with a friend of mine the night before. My stomach loves to disagree with the things I eat. My stomach is evil.
As I usually do on a Friday night, I enjoyed a few cocktails while doing surveys and working on my book. Nothing unusual.
While I woke up this morning feeling fine- my stomach was very angry at me for such actions.
My brother had invited us to The Bounce House, yet again- and knowing how much the boys loved it last time we decided to go.
I don’t know if it was the pure insanity that was going on there, the screaming children, the poor fluorescent lighting, or the VERY loud whirring of air compressors- but I started feeling sick. I got that deep rumble in my stomach that you get and INSTANTLY know you will be waging war with the toilet in less than 60 seconds, and you damn well better make it to a toilet.
As quickly as I could, I booked it to the bathroom and unleashed my stomachs fury. Have you ever heard of beer shits? That is what I imagine this was like.
I thought i’d feel better once I was done but a few minutes later I got that feeling again. Shit. Literally.
Back to the bathroom I went.
Hangover shits at The Bounce House is not my idea of a good time. Not at all.
Those poor children, they never saw it coming! I feel bad for any little kid who entered that bathroom after I was through with it.
I guess my brother had noticed my rapid fire trips to the restroom and made a comment to Thomas about “morning sickness.”
BITE YOUR TONGUE!
I know from experience that this time of year is my MOST fertile time. I’ve gotten pregnant in the month of January TWICE now. I know to stay away from anything that can impregnate me- and have been living like a monk in order to avoid it since I had to go off of Depo to prevent insanity.
Still, like sperm, once that seed was planted in my head- I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Do I think i’m pregnant? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I don’t see how it could even be remotely possible.. but that’s what I said last time. Then again, I was even MORE careful this time around. You just never know with my uterus. You can look at it the wrong way and knock me up.
I didn’t think I could handle TWO kids two years about, but THREE kids two years apart? You might as well kill me now.
Honestly, I think it’s more likely stress or low iron than another spawn- but of course now i’m going to be sweating it until Aunt Flo makes her monthly visit.
Stupid brother, always having to put crazy ideas in my crazy head!
I'm Gordon pretty much all the time, to be honest. pic.twitter.com/29KrYzv6Ei
2017 has been a total wash thus far pic.twitter.com/N2J7qp2PxW
17 of the Most REAL, Honest, & HILARIOUS Parenting Memes on the Internet goo.gl/fb/gPZWNy
I've never had a near death experience, but I DID find 2 spiders in my house this morning, and that's pretty much the same thing.
If you like to be constantly criticized over your peanut butter to jelly ratio on sandwiches, being a parent is definitely for you.
It's called "Mom Tax" and it applies to ALL SWEETS OBTAINED BY CHILDREN pic.twitter.com/VExGwIOdBn
Live now on Twitch! Come hang out! twitch.tv/holdinholden
How I Unwind the Kids During Summertime goo.gl/fb/bqcdoV