The Poddler is back. With a serious vengeance.
If you don’t remember what The Poddler is, consider yourself lucky.. but I think most Moms have had at LEAST one visit from the Poddler, and it’s not something you soon forget.
Poddler = Pod Toddler. An evil pod person that comes and takes over your child’s body, turning them from innocent, yet somewhat mischievous lovable little one into a complete monstrous terror.
Up until this point, The Poddler has only reared its ugly head via Holden. One day every few months he would mutate into the worst child on earth. Tantrums, pants crapping, back sassing hell. I think each of those days can account for one of the silver hairs on my head.
I suppose it was about time for Parker to have his turn. He’s getting to that age that must be appealing to evil Poddlers.
And let me tell you- today they had a field day with him.
A horrible day the likes of which has never been experienced in this house before! And we have had some BAD days.
Poddler thought it would be funny to randomly vomit up breakfast, after hardly eating any of it. Poddler then thought it would be hysterical to scream, nonstop for the rest of the morning… while drool and water poured out of his nose and mouth simultaneously. I have literally never in my life seen so much drool.
The vomit, drool, and caked on yogurt that dripped out of Poddlers mouth was so horrendous and disgusting and wet that I had to change him.. but he quickly soaked through and crusted up that shirt too.
Then Poddler decided lunch was not a good idea either and refused to eat that as well.
He also thinks potty training is for the birds and decided to piss his diaper every time I asked him to go, while violently shaking his head.
Once I finally convinced him to go to the bathroom, he stood up in mid-poop, spraying my pants with pee and dropping a huge sausage-rope turd on the floor.
One might think Poddler would laugh while Mommy gagged attempting to clean up warm, soft crap from the floor.. but instead he shrieked like a banshee.
Dinner was a different story. Poddler snatched away a straw full of soda, spraying my white shirt and face with brown liquid and found that to be hysterical.
Poddler decided to sit on the potty again and refuse to get off- but wouldn’t bee. Instead he cried and drooled so much that it filled the potty with spit, while pointing at his pecker because even HE couldn’t tell at that point if it was pee or saliva.
Then shrieked the rest of the evening until bed.
I’d love to think this was The Poddler’s ONE day of hell raising for the next few months, but I don’t think he’s done with me quite yet. I have the strong inkling that he’ll be back for more tomorrow.
This time i’m coming armed with tylenol.
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