Potty Master

While I know I said before that I couldn’t think about potty training Parker because a) he’s not walking and b) he’s more stuffed up than a Thanksgiving turkey.. but I can’t help if the kid WANTS to go. What am I gonna say, no? You don’t ever tell a child who isn’t fully potty trained (or trained at all) no when they express interest in it. What you should do is jump up and down with joy and immediately take them.

I’m not sure what’s up with Parker’s butt lately, but it has seemed a little better. It’s probably the prunes we’ve added to his oatmeal every other morning. Typically i’d tell you to STAY AWAY from prunes, especially with my past (horrid) experiences.. but when a laxative doesn’t help your kids bowels to budge, you’re willing to try something that in the past has made them explode.

Since he’d been better for a few days, the other night right before bath time Holden announced he had to pee. Parker seemed to perk up at the idea, so casually, I asked him if he wanted to go. Much to my surprise, he crawled to the bathroom and over to the little potty.
We got him undressed from the waist down and sat his skinny little butt on the potty. He thought it was a blast, but he didn’t do anything. Not that I was disappointed, I didn’t expect him to. I was just happy he’d sat on the potty without screaming or trying to get off. My plan from the beginning was just to introduce him to the potty for the first few weeks to let him get the hang of it since he’s SO damn stubborn with everything else new that he’s confronted with.

Yesterday was potty day #2. After lunch is always when I force Holden to take a crap.. because otherwise he’ll refuse to sleep and then shit his underwear IN his bed and ruin nap time for everyone. It is designated potty time in our house. Everyone knows this, including Parker.

Once again, I casually asked him if he wanted to go. Sure enough, he did. Crawled his happy ass right into the bathroom. Once again got him undressed from the waist down and plopped him on the potty, with Holden on the big potty next to him. He again thought it was just the most hilarious thing, so I reminded him of what he needed to do.
When I looked away for a moment, I don’t remember to do what exactly.. probably to wipe Holden’s nasty ass, I looked back and saw Parker peeing into the potty, none the wiser.

What do you do when your little one pees on the potty for the first time? You celebrate. We all jumped up and down and danced around the bathroom.

Never did I expect that the second time Parker had EVER sat on the potty that he’d pee on it. It took Holden.. geez.. something like two or more weeks to do anything on the potty other than try to get off or play with toys.

That night while Thomas was in the shower I tried testing out the waters again, thinking earlier in the day was just a fluke. Sat him on the potty and he once again started giggling like a school girl until I mentioned the word “poop”.. instantly he started pushing. I saw pee come flying out and soon after heard the thump thump of little turds hitting the bottom of the plastic bowl. POOP! He pooped in the potty!
He kept pushing for the next few minutes and when I asked him if he was done he nodded.. so I lifted him up and literally had to choke back the gag sensation in order to celebrate what was the BIGGEST poop i’ve ever seen. What stared back at me was very long, adult looking turds. Ew. He was very pleased with himself.

Out of three trips to the potty, his first three trips, he’d successfully gone twice. One a double hitter. I was so proud of my little potty-er.

I still didn’t want to get ahead of myself and jinx it, but still wanted to continue early potty training since he seemed so into it.

Again after breakfast today, he wanted to join Holden in the potty-party. And once again, the mention of poop instantly got him into action.
And this poop was even bigger and nastier than the last. A bowl full of pee, long turds, and what looked like quicksand on top of it. I really think that restaurant bathroom experience with Holden where I smelled the WORST poop ever has ruined my gag reflex for life. I just couldn’t hold it back. Gag gag CHEER, gag!
I got Parker cleaned up and on his way and then got myself ready to do battle with the potty. Let me tell you, cleaning a dirty ass in a diaper is much easier than having to pick up, empty, and clean a plastic bowl smeared with crap. I literally wrapped a shirt around my face in order not to TASTE the rancid poop smell and cleaned that sucker out.

Parker went to the potty four more times today and out of four he successfully used the potty twice. A pee and another poop, and a pee right before getting in the shower.

I’ve been asked what my secret is, how i’m getting him to use the potty so well so early in training.. but I really don’t think it has ANYTHING to do with me or anything i’m doing.

Honestly, I think it’s all the constipation Parker has had. It taught him how to successfully push a turd out, because he’s had to push SO hard to get turds out for months. If there’s one thing the kid knows how to do, it’s poop. And now it seems he can poop on command. At least SOMETHING good came out of that awful situation.

My kid may not be able to walk or talk, but he sure can poop! I’ll make sure to tell his highschool that when it’s time for senior superlatives.

Posted on January 5, 2011 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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