Almost immediately after I wrote my blog last night, the worst thing you can imagine happening, happened.
Already sick to my stomach and not sure how i’d manage through the surveys i’d let stack up over my horrendous birthday weekend- I heard Holden cough. I glared out of my peripheral vision toward his door- because the last time I heard him cough from his bed he ended up starting the 24 hour puking spree. Then again, he hadn’t puked for well over 24 hours, just had the leaky ass.. so while it did make me pause, I didn’t really think much of it.
The coughing continued, and not too much later it turned to crying. Sigh, what now???
Thomas was the first to make it to Holden’s door, opened it, and his whole body cringed. I heard him say something in a tightly clenched voice about the smell, and then he flicked the light on. An argument ensued between him and Holden. Holden didn’t want to get out of bed and was just screaming and screaming and finally I see Thomas carrying.. really more like dragging him out of his room, covered in vomit.
I took a deep breath, here we go again. I was beckoned to help.. because apparently not only was Holden covered in puke, but so was his bed. With my stomach already in a precarious condition, I opted to clean Holden off since the room stank so badly.. only to find that Holden had also crapped himself. Not just crap, but liquid crap. All the way down his leg. Instantly I felt the urge to join him and vomit all over myself as well. It was just that bad.
After stripping Holden down and cleaning him off and attempting to save the bed, 30 minutes later we were trying to get him back to bed when he let out what could have been the most disgusting fart on earth. He then claimed he had to pee, so Thomas took him to the bathroom. I was sitting back on the couch at that point, and I heard Thomas should “I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD TO PEE???”
I got up and went to the bathroom door to see what had happened but was immediately warned “if you don’t want to puke, don’t come in here”
Yes, Holden sure did have to pee.. but not out of his pecker.
Once again cleaned up, he got sat down on the potty and I could hear what sounded like a machine gun erupting into the toilet. DIS-GUS-TING.
Finally, 45 minutes after the episode began, Holden was back in bed passed out. My stomach did not go down as easily. I felt so sick from the smell that had then taken over the entire house that I decided to give up and go to bed. Hopefully I could fall asleep before I got too sick.
Waking up I felt better, as did Holden.. but poor Parker came down with some kind of strange head cold that made his nose leak like a disgusting booger filled faucet.
To make things just THAT much worse- Thomas got a call from property management. Apparently, 4 months AFTER we signed our year long lease for this stupid house (after the bank took it and the asshole company took our down payment and ran), Fannie Mae decided that they weren’t going to approve our lease. How they can do that so long after the fact I don’t freaking know, but they did it. They’ve now forced us into a month-to-month contract.. basically meaning at ANY time someone can come and buy the house and we’re out. Do I think anyone actually will? No. The market sucks, this house is WAY too expensive for the price, and even houses at better prices sit on the market for a year.. but it could happen- and that’s what bugs me. Stupid cursed house.
I think next year I may skip the month of January altogether instead of just my birthday. January sucks. I should have been born in the summer.
'Tis the season to return a gift given to you and have the uncontrollable urge to buy more crap for your kids with the money.
😂😂😂 I never knew we had so much in common pic.twitter.com/Yu4ytvgmOp
Did you know that toothpaste becomes stronger than concrete if left on surfaces for too long? I didn't either. Thanks, kids!
Y'all can keep your creepy little elves- my kids live in fear of the PRESENT PRISON. holdinholden.com/2014/12/the-…
Cut Yourself some Christmas Slack goo.gl/fb/4WVJe2
My day as a parent isn't complete until I've threatened to sell at least one of my children on the black market. Twice. At least.
He only has himself to blame pic.twitter.com/UffL59jSmz