It’s like an archaeological dig

It’s taken me a little while to really get into the swing of writing my book. Such a daunting task to go through over 2 years of blog posts and try to pick and choose which parts of your life are the most important, the funniest, the best. I got somewhat discouraged trying to sift through it all and make it fit into the story I want to tell- but the past few nights i’ve felt like I was on a roll.

I may not be totally done with picking and choosing the first few chapters- but I got deep enough in to really remember what my life was like when Holden was Parker’s age. It’s funny reading back on my life then, because although it was only about a year and a half ago, it feels like an eternity. A lifetime.

Walking down memory lane is a very strange experience. It’s different when the memories are just in your head, but these are written down, verbatim, the days certain events happened. It’s all there in black and white (and a polka dotted background). I haven’t read back in those blogs…. ever.. so it’s like pulling out a time capsule. Unearthing some huge skeleton from times past.

While I am NOT a fan of baby comparing, it’s nearly impossible not to do when confronted with your own recollections of your own oldest child at the same exact age as your current youngest child.

It was really only then while going through all of the blogs that I realize just how different my two boys are. Not that I didn’t notice their differences, but when reading Holden’s actual actions and behaviors word for word.. It’s a strange trip down memory lane.

At the same age as Parker, Holden was not only running around and well into potty training, but he had a rather large arsenal of words and already an incredibly goofy personality.

Parker is only walking about 50% of the time, and the only word he says other than the usual “mama” and “dada” is “DAT!”, which meas THAT. And he says it at EVERYTHING.
Holden on the other hand was saying things like “done!” and “no!”. I joked about Holden being a diabolical genius, plotting against me like Stewie from Family Guy plotted against Lois. I don’t see Parker that way in the slightest. I see him as a kid who was dealt a really shitty hand and is trying to make the best of it.

All babies are different, and move at different rates through milestones. It’s hard not to get discouraged when you know one kid was so far ahead of the other at the same age. Parker is such the polar opposite from Holden in SO many ways. To go from one kid who would eat everything, to the next who even if he TOUCHES certain foods he gags is hard to go through. Hard to accept. Nothing Holden went through (or more like didn’t go through) prepared me for all the things Parker is having to deal with.

Sometimes I think it would be easier without this blog to go back through.. or without writing the book. Without having to revisit past memories, Parker being so different would still be frustrating, but not as much so. My memory is fuzzy at best from Holden’s childhood when i’m just thinking about it. I will love having the blog to look back on in the future- and it’s obviously great for the book. For now, currently, with Parker it’s just hard.

Posted on January 11, 2011 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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