If you’ve been following the blog for a while, you’d know that I am a big fan of the good old fashioned poop blog. When you’re a mom, I fully believe that you just have to accept poop-talk as common place, and if you don’t have a sense of humor about it, you might as well throw in the towel. Baby poop is a strange fickle creature, and even the most experienced mom will have questions as to consistency, color, and frequency. It never seems normal, so when another mom asks me about poop- I never find it weird or abnormal. Poop talk is a way of life once your wiping it off of a hiney multiple times per day.
And when it comes to poop, I have been through the ringer. I’ve dealt with projectile poop, runny poop, hard poop, diarrhea, constipation, poop in all colors of the rainbow, poop full of mucus.. being pooped on or at. After all of that, poop should not phase me anymore.. but I think today may have changed all of that. After today, I think poop may give me nightmares for a very long time.
It’s not secret that Parker has had poop issues for some time now. I don’t know why it started or what triggered it, but once the constipated came on- he hasn’t been the same since.
Screaming when he poops? Check. Not pooping for a full day and then not being ABLE to poop? Check. Big hard turds? Check.
Today was by far the worst and most horrifying experience yet, and not just for me- but for Parker as well. If he wasn’t scared of pooping before because of how much it seemed to hurt him- after today I fear he will NEVER want to poop again.. and I can’t imagine the problems that could cause.
The constipation, while awful and terrible to watch Parker scream in pain, has sadly become commonplace. I had a feeling he needed to go to the doctor to see what the hell could be done to help him- but now I think it’s a necessity.
Multiple times throughout the day, he screamed for five minutes straight, straining and trying with all of his might to poop.. only when I went to check his diaper, there was nothing there. Not even a skid mark in his diaper. In the past when this has happened, he’ll at least relieve himself later in the day and feel fine.. but that didn’t happen today.
After he woke up from his long nap, he almost instantly started screaming and straining.. only this time, he not only didn’t poop, but he didn’t give up trying either. He literally screamed for an hour straight.
During that hour I tried just about EVERYTHING to help him. Tried feeding him water, he didn’t want it. Tried pushing his legs back to help- he fought me with the strength of 5 men. Tried pressing on his abdomen, he only screamed louder. I feared he would break every blood vessel in his face from straining so incredibly hard for so long.
Snack time came and went.. I knew Parker wouldn’t eat since by that point he was screaming so hard that he was dry heaving, so I snacked over his head while I held him and tried to calm him, and let Holden snack next to us. It finally got to the point where I knew it wouldn’t be coming out on its own so I gave him a laxative dose.
Another 30 minutes go by, and while he finally took some water, he was still screaming and straining without relent. I decided more desperate measures needed to be taken. I took him into his room, and plopped him on the changing table with the full intent of giving him a suppository- which is a horrifying thought to me. I can handle poop ON me, but I can’t handle shoving things up my kid’s butt as high as I can possibly get it while he fights me tooth and nail.
When I pulled his diaper off and lifted his legs to insert the suppository.. I was greeted by a butthole stretched larger than ANY butthole I have ever seen (and ever care to see) with a gigantic poop trying to get its way out. I think I screamed and gasped at the same time.. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.. but I knew it had to come out. I didn’t even know how long it had been that way, and felt terrible I hadn’t taken him into his room to help him out sooner.
Holding back the dry heaving, I pressed on the skin right above his butthole to help stimulate the urge to push.. and push he did. Instantly, the two LARGEST poop balls I have ever seen came out. I screamed, he screamed.. I cried, he cried.. and then another one tried to come out. Another one that was stuck and not coming out on its own. I had to press that spot again to try and help him and very quickly that one passed as well.. but what I saw after his stomach was empty was even more horrifying than watching it come out.
His poor little hole was turned basically inside out. It was gaping and bleeding. My first thought was “OH MY GOD HE NEEDS TO GO TO THE ER HE BROKE HIS ASSHOLE”.. but once I saw that he was completely calm, I decided it was better to ask a few friends first.
While what he had just gone through was awful.. it’s also sadly pretty common. Children can get constipated for SO many reasons, or no reason at all. I can’t let it happen again though, not to that extreme. Something needs to be done, I just don’t know what. My biggest fear is that he will remember this experience the next time he has to go.. and just not go.. and hold it for so long that there will be NO way to push out the size of crap that will have been building in his colon.
After this experience, and I can’t believe i’m going to type this, i’m not sure I can find poop funny anymore. It definitely lost its humor today.
The only up side is that he felt MUCH better once those huge turds had passed.. so much so that he took 8 steps, and then 10 steps!
That’s my little trooper!!
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
Half-Assed Jingler Syndrome goo.gl/fb/McWfBy
@ItsEvieClaire Booze and tears
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times