After writing the blog yesterday, and mentioning Holden’s strange yet creative comeback/insult when I asked him if he was going to sit on Santa’s lap:
“I just don’t want to, cradle cap!”
I realized it’s been FAR too long since i’ve written a Holdenisms blog. And the kid isn’t getting ANY less strange. He has far too many hilarious gems to not share them with the world. And being that i’m in the Christmas spirit, it’s only natural to want to share!
A few Holdenisms that show me he’s watching far too much Special Agent Oso (and I suppose these might only be funny if you’ve seen the show):
If I ask him to bring me something, like a piece of tissue to wipe off Parker’s face or something that’s been spilled, he says “tissue, coming up!”
If he’s doing something that’s not going quite his way, he’ll say “It’s all part of the plan, mommy!” in a very sad voice.
He also says very strange things when he has to go, or IS going to the bathroom. Yes he still names his poops “that ones the smallest turdy poop i’ve ever seen!”, but he’s added on to this strange potty habit.
Now when he has to pee, instead of just saying.. Hey, I have to go pee pee! He says:
“My pecker is hard!”
And when he’s finishing up peeing? He says “My pecker is prickly!”
I don’t know where he gets these things, or how a pecker can be prickly since I don’t have one of my own, but it even confuses Thomas as to what it could mean.
He’s also told me while peeing: “Mommy, I think my pecker is ticklish!”– that one definitely weirded me out.
Last on the potty issue.. there was one time last month where he was taking a pee and announced happily: “I like when peepee comes out of my pecker!”
One day while asking Holden what he wanted to do that day, he responded with:
“I want to play with cars and trucks and… EAT PARMESAN!”
A boy after my own heart.
Another day, I was asking Holden what he wanted for lunch. He kept telling me he wanted roast beef.. probably because he saw the picture of beef on the front of Parker’s stage 3 food container. I told him that we did not have any roast beef, and asked where he suggested we get roast beef from?
“SANDWICHES FROM ARBYS!”
A few times after eating, he’s pulled the “see food” trick on me.. disgusting. One day, out of nowhere, he looks at me and says “pssssssssst! SEAFOOD!”- I did not and do not understand where that came from. Maybe he was trying to hint to me he wanted seafood for dinner, but that was the last of the conversation.
Before we got in the car to go to my Dad’s for Halloween, Holden exclaimed loudly “THIS IS INTENSE!”.. sounds like something I would say, no?
On the way, there were pedestrians crossing the street and he kept shouting “watch out old man!”
I sense road rage in his future.
One day, while eating in a restaurant.. I caught Holden staring blankly at the wall next to him. Suddenly, he says “awwwwwwkwaaaaard!”
You got that right, kid!
Lately, he’s been announcing his farts as if they are accomplishments.. just like a man. Today, he announced his fart when I wasn’t paying attention and continued to yell at me “MOMMY! ARE YOU LISTENING? I FARTED!”
On the not so weird, but still funny.. he loves to say things like: “what the POOP?” or “I don’t give a FART”.. probably because he knows saying any of those other 4 letter words would earn him a time out, but he still finds the words poop and fart hilarious, and by my calculations will for a very long time.
I have no idea where he gets these things from, or how a 3 year old can come up with such strange sayings and descriptions in his mind.. but it definitely makes for a lot of strange, funny, and head scratching moments. And I have no doubt there will be many more to come.. and also no doubt that he will rub off on his little brother and then I will have TWO weirdos making me laugh and blush at the same time at least once a day.
I've never had a near death experience, but I DID find 2 spiders in my house this morning, and that's pretty much the same thing.
If you like to be constantly criticized over your peanut butter to jelly ratio on sandwiches, being a parent is definitely for you.
It's called "Mom Tax" and it applies to ALL SWEETS OBTAINED BY CHILDREN pic.twitter.com/VExGwIOdBn
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How I Unwind the Kids During Summertime goo.gl/fb/bqcdoV
Kid: When do I get the tablet back? Me: Thursday aftern--- Kid: *Yelling* I'LL NEVER GET IT BACK! Me: Okay, I guess never, then. #kidlogic
Being an adult is stupid. pic.twitter.com/ghkAP7UbIt
Me watching #AmericanNinjaWarrior: HAHA weak ass grip strength! Also me: Can't open a pickle jar.