Weird things seem to happen in my house when I leave Thomas home alone with the kids. Things, that to be quite honest- I am GLAD didn’t happen to me! Horrifying? Hysterical? Disgusting? I’m not sure how exactly to classify the story I was told yesterday when I got home from the tattoo studio.
I will relay the story as it was told to me, and by the end i’m pretty sure you’ll understand why i’m so thrilled I wasn’t home to witness such a spectacle!
While I was gone, Thomas had to put the kids down for a nap. Not very eventful or hard to do. He put Holden to bed in his room, and then Parker on the couch and sat down to watch some TV. About an hour into nap time he hears a light tapping on Holden’s door.
For the past week, Holden’s been waking up during nap time to go to the bathroom. I think he just wants to get out of going to sleep, thinks that by going to the bathroom nap time is magically over regardless of the time- not the case!
So I think Thomas knew when he walked to Holden’s room to see what he wanted that it was going to be a trip to the bathroom. What actually happened took him by surprise.
He opened the door, and Holden was waiting. “I have to poop”– not unusual. He walks Holden to the bathroom and opens the toilet.. but instead of climbing onto his step stool like he usually does to sit on the potty- he chucks a large turd into the toilet. He was holding the poop IN HIS HAND. The kid crapped himself, dug it out of his underwear, and carried it to the bathroom. All unbeknown to Thomas. Absolutely disgusting.
My jaw must have hit the floor when Thomas told me the story. Couldn’t believe it. It’s not like Holden hasn’t crapped his pants before.. he loves to wait until the very last second to tell us he needs to go #2, and by that point can’t hold it anymore. He has not ever a single time reached into his underwear and pulled the crap out though. Never been the type to play with his poop, thank god.
Now that he’s done it once though- it seems as though it may become a habit. He did it AGAIN during nap time today.
Once again woke up, once again tapped on his door, once again said he had to poop. This time it wasn’t in his hand- he said “I threw it!”
Threw it where??
“Next to the dresser!”
Sure enough, two turds next to the dresser. Not acceptable! Not a habit I want forming.
From now on, Holden, whether he likes it or not, will be taking a crap before he goes to sleep at nap time. Hopefully once it’s out of him, he won’t be able to conjure up another to squeeze out in his bed. Ugh. I shudder at the thought.
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
Half-Assed Jingler Syndrome goo.gl/fb/McWfBy
@ItsEvieClaire Booze and tears
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times