Twelve steps back

If you are one of the people who thought Parker’s non-eating habits couldn’t possibly get any worse than they already are (and I was one of those people, i’ll admit).. I am very sad to tell you that we were all wrong. How does the worst get even worse? That I will never know, but it seems to have happened.. and i’m really at the point where I feel like throwing myself off of a cliff. Just don’t know what to do anymore, if there IS anything I can do- and playing the waiting game has really never worked for me. Far too impatient for that.

While Parker BARELY ate table food before.. there were still certain things he tolerated, which was better than nothing. Toasted bread, tomatoes, crackers- some days more than others but it at least seemed as though we were making a little bit of progress.

I’m not sure WHAT in the hell happened.. what changed, what light switch flipped. If it was the teething or the diaper rash or whatever in the world he did to his butt from being so constipated that’s causing him to scream like he’s dying every time he pushes a turd out- but the kid has gone from eating very LITTLE table food to eating practically NO table food (other than a little bit of fruit). Not only that, but it takes him, on most days, over 30 minutes to finish a stage 3 jar of baby food. All he does is hoard mouthfuls of it so he won’t have to eat anymore.. making a process i’ve already grown to hate (and most likely him too) even more miserable.

Even though we really couldn’t afford the weekly OT appointments at CHKD, and they didn’t really seem to be helping.. he certainly wasn’t getting worse, which is what’s happening now- and we’re STILL waiting for the in-home evaluation from the state before we can finally start getting OT for free.

Wouldn’t think he could get worse before that happens, but I didn’t think it could get worse before and it definitely did.

Confused, frustrated, annoyed, exhausted.. and a laundry list of other emotions are what i’m currently feeling. I’ve lost my funny! I long for the days where Holden crapping his pants and secretly running to the bathroom and sitting on the toilet- later claiming to have gone “all by himself!” only to find streaks in his underwear were the most concerning and irritating points of my days.

Posted on November 15, 2010 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
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