Somehow, I don’t know why, but my nerves always get the best of me. Doesn’t matter what i’ve been through in the past that is worse than what i’m about to endure.. the smallest thing will freak me out for weeks leading up to it.
Tomorrow though isn’t just something tiny. It’s actually something very large. I’m getting the very large tattoo on my back worked on.. and although i’ve already had 3 sessions, i’m basically totally freaking myself out. I already know it’s going to hurt.. I already know I can handle it, but my stomach is in knots.
And not only am I worried about the pain while getting it done.. but worried about how sore and VERY itchy I will be afterward. Worried i’ll be holding Parker while he naps in my arms and suddenly go into an itch fit. Worried it’s going to cost me an arm and a leg.
I’ve been doubling up on surveys, putting money aside for a few weeks now just to get this done, even asked my Dad for my Christmas present to be money toward finishing my back, so I know I have it covered- but I still don’t want it to cost an incredible amount of money. While it’s nice to spend some cash on myself sometimes, my main concern is and always will be the kids- and Christmas is right around the corner. Then again, we DID just get almost $400 back from Progressive because they’d been screwing us out of money for a long time.
It’s actually almost comical how nervous I am about getting a needle in my back. I’ve had friends act bewildered by my nerves: “But you’ve popped two kids out of your lady parts! This is nothing compared to that!”.. and they are completely correct. No pain I have ever been through in my life, no broken bones or kidney infections, weird chest infections, or tattoos have ever felt as intensely and horribly painful as popping a kid out of my hoo-ha, but even knowing that doesn’t help. I don’t look forward to pain. I look forward to how it will look afterward.. having a piece of art that means something to me on my back, that I can look at as a reminder- but the pain I will have to sit through in order to get there? Not so fantastic.
I was discussing with a friend of mine, who is kind enough to come and hold my wimpy hand tomorrow, how it would be so nice just to take the dermoplast they gave me for my snatch to numb the pain of being ripped in two and use it on my back so I wouldn’t feel the tattoo as much- but we both basically agreed it would probably be unsafe considering the huge area we’d have to spray it on. Too many horror stories of women rubbing numbing cream on themselves,wrapping it in plastic, and then dying afterward. I will pass on that!
Cross your fingers for me y’all. With my lower back piece I cried like a baby and it looks like total crap.. Really don’t want the same thing to happen tomorrow. Not only would it be humiliating, but then i’d have a permanent crappy looking tattoo to look at in dismay forever. Yikes.
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