Just in time for Halloween- the evil witch has come to my doorstep completely unexpectedly and totally unwelcome.
What witch am I referring to? Not the wicked witch of the west- but the monthly witch. The period witch.
I’ve only had one real period since coming off of Depo, and it was easily the worst i’ve ever had in my life. Incredibly heavy, ridiculously painful- and caused so much bloating I literally looked pregnant.
While I was miserable, it was somewhat nice to know that MAYBE, after all depo put me through- I might finally be getting back to normal.
Unfortunately for me, that was not the case at all. I probably should have expected it.. since depo is evil incarnate, it wasn’t going to let me go so easily.
It’s probably been almost two months since my last period. While I have long cycles, I ALWAYS have, two months is pushing it.
I didn’t get pregnancy paranoia, as i’ve pretty much been in hibernation just because I know how my body loves to mess with me and knock me up without any recollection of sex.. so i’ve been even MORE careful until I can figure out just what i’m going to be doing in the way of contraception. I’ve been a monk. A nun. Wearing a chastity belt.
Still, when a woman doesn’t have her period for such a long period of time- one has to wonder what the hell is going on.
When the phantom boob pain came back.. and on and off cramping for WEEKS, but no period- I just knew the depo was rearing its ugly head once again. It’s the only real explanation. It stores in your fat cells, and since I have plenty of those to spare- who knows how long it will really take to wear completely off. Some women, who WANT to get pregnant, have trouble for up to two years. Two years of depo hell after stopping the shots!
The cramping stopped last week and nothing came of it.. and then today, VERY randomly- Hello Aunt Flo! I was shocked! Shocked but relieved, because not only did it FINALLY come.. but it came with no cramps! That’s something I could definitely get on board with.
Of course, the pain free period did NOT last long at all. Just a few short hours later, the cramps and back pain began.. and that’s basically where I am now. Totally miserable yet again. Looking like it’s going to be another terrible period, and no pain medication that I can get my hands on does anything to help.
It’s times like these where I wish I had a time machine so I could travel back and punch myself straight in the face for ever even CONSIDERING depo. There’s just been a dark cloud over my head ever since I went on that crap. My life, and my boob, would be much happier had I never gotten that first stupid shot.. or the one after that. Stupid, stupid me!
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
Half-Assed Jingler Syndrome goo.gl/fb/McWfBy
@ItsEvieClaire Booze and tears
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times