Tapping out

The line has been crossed- my body has just had ENOUGH and is crapping out on me.

With everything that’s been going on i’m actually surprised it didn’t happen a lot sooner. The sick baby for MONTHS AND MONTHS, the potty training regression, the prolonged ridiculous teething, toddler tantrums, whining crying, depo.. I should be a crazy person. I’ve been asked more than once how I handle it all so well.
I don’t think I do. I just think it appears I handle it gracefully.

And now, on top of ALL of that, this house drama. I was already teetering on the edge of a cliff.. and that gave me a hard swift kick right over the edge.
Don’t read this the wrong way- i’m not on the verge of some intense mental breakdown. Sure, i’m INCREDIBLY stressed, almost to a panicky state, angry, scared.. all of those things. But what can I do other than what i’m already doing? What good is absolutely freaking out going to do?

The toll has been 100% taken out on my body. I feel about 20 years older than I actually am. This morning I woke up feeling as though i’d been hit by a bus.. and then backed over a few times for good measure.
Serious headache, stomach ache.. back and stomach cramps, exhaustion. The works.
I know it’s possible to stress yourself out of having a period- but can you stress yourself IN to one?
If I weren’t bleeding like a stabbing victim i’d swear I was pregnant. Immaculately of course.
Especially with the EXTREME bloating i’m experiencing. So bad that my navel ring, where it sits in my bellybutton has left an indent in the middle because my bellybutton is poking out. The only other time in my life where I have been this bloated with a slightly pokey bellybutton is when I was first pregnant with Parker.

Since the depo bleeding STILL has never stopped for more than a day, I have no way to tell if this is an actual period.. or just the depo hormones coming out to play with a serious vengeance.

Whatever it is, it’s awful. I felt like curling up on the couch all night and dying.

I’d love to just go to sleep in hopes that I will wake up and NOT feel like my lower half is in a vice grip.. but then I remember that tomorrow is Monday and it’s back to dealing with the whiny twins by myself, probably with cramps.

Posted on August 1, 2010 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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