Alright, alright- I lied! I’m not going to write about the house situation tonight. I’m going to hold off and write about it tomorrow.. mostly because i’m lazy, and partially because i’m having myself an alcoholic beverage at the moment and the house post is going to be a LONG one and I don’t want to get fuzzy halfway through and start skimming over facts.
So instead, I have something not quite as important to write about.. but still, just a little something that changed in my life. A happy change for once.
As you may well know, for a while now, it has seemed as though my life has been totally out of my control. With Parker’s sickness and the house situation, plus the bleeding and weight gain thanks to Depo.. it’s been like a downward spiral. We just keep getting crapped on over and over. I’ve felt down and out, and there’s been NOTHING I can do about it but sit back and watch it happen.
I’m not a control freak by any means, but I hate feeling like my life is out of my hands. I needed to find something to take control over and change it, just for me. For my psyche, for my happiness.. and there’s really not much that I can change.
Two years ago I felt sort of the same way, so I took things into my own hands and made a small change that really just lifted my mood. My hair! It’s the only thing I can change in an instant. That only I have control over.
I went in, and got my hair bleached out and dyed red. Instant mood lifter. I didn’t feel frumpy or gross anymore. And from then on things seemed to go up. Maybe my mental mood made everything else seem not so bad.. or maybe my mood changed ME so much that I changed things around me without even realizing it.
I’d kept that red hair this whole time.. but lately I started feeling frumpy and gross again (DEPO!)
The red is so high maintenance that I just grew tired of how it would look after a few weeks (washed out and dull), I didn’t feel like me anymore. I even started having dreams of chopping my hair off and dying it a different color (i’ve also been growing my hair out for 2 years).
I’ve been growing my hair out for so long, there was no way I was going to chop it off.. but the color? That could go. I started toying around with the idea.. but not so sure about it, since I had committed myself to red for so long.. and it took a LOT of bleach and dye and money to maintain the color. And in the act of full disclosure.. when I first got the red hair I HATED it. I cried, a lot. It took me a very long time to warm up to.
After talking to some friends about the idea- I was set on it. The red had to go. I really felt like it would change my state of mind and my self esteem to have something new, just for me, to make me feel better about myself. I know it’s just hair, and it’s so small- but it’s all i’ve got!
So I went in today for my appointment after building myself up.. thinking my stylist was totally going to smack me since she had tried to convince me for SO long to go red and now I was deciding to go back to brown. She was totally sold on it once I showed her pictures of what I wanted.
Once the dye was on my hair, there was no turning back. And I was feeling pretty good about it. I didn’t even tell Thomas I was going to make the change because I didn’t want him to talk me out of it.. he seemed to like the red so much (as did everyone else. Apparently having fair skin and freckles means I SHOULD have red hair). Plus I wanted to see the look on his face when I walked back in the door with a totally different look.
As soon as I saw the new color in the sunlight I was totally in love. I feel like ME again! I feel confident and good, and not frumpy and boring. No longer will people assume the red hair is natural or call my kids “gingers” when they’re both blond just because of MY hair color.
I got nervous as I walked up to the house.. but couldn’t wait to see Thomas’ face.
Too bad he wasn’t all that shocked or surprised! All I got was a “is that brown?”
I was so hoping he’d say “oh my god!” or “I love it!”.. or even maybe be a little surprised that I did it without telling him first.. since I tell him everything. I should have known he wouldn’t act surprised or excited.. since I took him to Hollywood and he seemed so blase about it.
When I finally pried out of him what he thought.. he said he always preferred my brown hair over the red. Say what?! Had I known that, I would have gone back to brown MUCH sooner! Typically, for me, hair colors don’t last even 6 months on my head.. I kept the red because everyone else loved it so much that it convinced me that I did too.
He pooped on my surprise. What a turd!
Oh well, I love it.. and that’s what really matters!
I also expected Holden and Parker to react to my hair. They’ve really only ever seen me with red hair. I got it dyed red when Holden was about 7 months old-ish.. i’m pretty sure he doesn’t remember back that far. Parker gave me a quizzical look.. and then collapsed into my lap. He is still inspecting me, probably trying to figure out what is different- it doesn’t phase him though. I think I can remember Holden crying when I first went red.
Holden says he likes the new hair and “doesn’t miss the red!”.. but he’ll say anything to make me happy.
To show you what i’m talking about..
Here’s where I started (and i’ve scoured and honestly I can’t find a decent picture. Guess I stayed out of them due to frumptastic hair):
And here is today:
I've never had a near death experience, but I DID find 2 spiders in my house this morning, and that's pretty much the same thing.
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Live now on Twitch! Come hang out! twitch.tv/holdinholden
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