"They come to life and play with your hair"

Every once in a while, I have a friend or acquaintance who pops up pregnant. Happening more and more often the older I get.
And more often than not, these girls hope and pray to have little girls- and typically get exactly what they want (not always, but it seems like it!)

Cue a twinge of jealousy. The little evil part of me hopes that everyone gets the opposite gender of what they want. Probably just to get rid of the random jealous twinge.

Don’t get it twisted- I would not go back and change Parker into the world if I had a free pass to do so. Things would not be right without Parker being Parker (meaning: having a penis).
That doesn’t mean that I don’t get jealous when it seems like i’m the only one who hoped for one thing and got the opposite. I still remember what it’s like to be so upset about having another boy, even if I don’t feel that way at ALL anymore.

So when the inevitable random twinge of jealousy hits me- i’ve learned a way to very quickly and easily get past it.

I think of all the reasons I would NEVER want to have a girl. All the ‘bad’ things. I realize there are plenty of bad things about having a boy, too.. but thinking about that in this situation would be counter productive.

Let’s begin:

With a boy, you don’t have to wipe ‘front to back’ while changing a diaper. No worrying about cross contamination.. or little baby yeast infections.. or (ugh) discharge.

No pink frilly hideousness. I am just not a fan of frills.. or lace (unless the lace is meant to be sexy and unless you’re a freak you don’t want a little girl to look sexy). I’m not girly, I don’t do skirts or dresses, I cringe when I see little girls dressed up like porcelain dolls.

Speaking of dolls.. I am terrified of them.
It started with my aunt telling me that my dolls would come to life and play with my hair while I was sleeping when I was very young- which I suppose some little girls might be excited about, but not me. Horrified.
Really, though, the culmination was when I had an American Girl doll. I’m not sure how the fear of that doll began, but I had some friends over and swore to God that thing smiled at me (more than the regular plastered on smile). I took that thing and locked it in the cabinet above my dresser. I was sleeping one night, some time later, and woke up to that cabinet shaking. My parents told me I was dreaming but it wasn’t the first time something in that house scared the crap out of me and I know I was awake. Take it for what you will- but I never played with dolls again after that and now I can’t even stand the sight of them. They’re all scary and their eyes follow you around the room.
So having a little girl that played with dolls? Would probably be a nightmare.

No worrying about teenage girl attitude and inevitable drama, or creepy skeezy boys knocking at the door.

The list could go on and on. Those are the things that always get those thoughts of “ugh. must be nice to always get what you want!” right out of my head.

Down the line, in the FAR future, if I find myself pregnant with a girl- will I be thinking about creepy dolls with wandering eyes and baby yeast infections? Of course not.. but it helps for now.

Posted on July 5, 2010 by Holdin' Holden 3 Comments
Holdin' Holden

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  • You can borrow my girl anytime 😉 Yes you do have to worry about wiping… BUT I had never been peed on before until I had a boy. <3

  • jordan very frequently gets yeast infections. it’s just a rash on the underside of his balls that i have to put an antifungal medicine on from time to time. the pediatrician said there is nothing really i can do about it, it’s just that the diaper environment is so moist.

  • oh i’m not talking about that kind of yeast infection. that’s a diaper rash/yeast infection. I’m talking about the kind adult women get that baby girls can get