Most Moms probably go into parenthood with many impressions on how disgusting, messy, stinky, and evil children are.
For the most part- most Moms are correct.
Babies and children in general are not for the weak of heart, that’s for sure. With the massive liquid poop blow outs, the spit up that shoots three feet, bounces, and still manages to hit you.. the neck folds that get gunkier than in between sweaty toes, and smell even worse? You’d damn well better have a strong gag reflex.. or master the art of breathing through your mouth.
And then comes the day during pregnancy where you hear “it’s a boy!” and your life flashes before your eyes. Scraped knees, broken arms, sports injuries, playing with bugs.. and the rolling around in mud like a puppy outside for the first time. All those commercials for laundry detergents and stain removers after a little boy goes tearing through the house caked in dirty, mud, and grass that you see suddenly come to fruition.
You just EXPECT your carpets to get ruined, clothes to be permanently stained.
Only.. it doesn’t happen.
Holden? He absolutely HATES to be dirty. I don’t know when this freakish diversion to all things dirty began, but I find it very odd. An almost 3 year old boy doesn’t like dirt?? Say what?
It started inside, though, during his meals. I noticed if his hands got covered in any food residue, he would refuse to touch his sippy, or will only use the fingers he thought clean enough.. which is a funny sight to behold. Or he refuses to eat unless he can wipe his hands in the middle of the meal. Normal for an adult, but a toddler? Seems strange.
If we’re out to eat, he insists on going to the bathroom to wash his hands.
I’ve even caught him in the bathroom at home, using his stepping stool in the bathroom to wash his hands.. for no apparent reason.
A child who used to cry when I told him it was time to go inside? Now cuts his play time outside short by telling me he needs to wash the dirt off of his hands, and gives me a perplexed look, almost angry, when I tell him just to wipe his hands on his pants.
And just as I was thinking he was the only one, thinking he might turn out to be one of those people on those crazy OCD shows- I was told by other moms with kids Holden’s age that their kids are the same way- they even CRY when they get dirty.
What the hell ever happened to mud puddle jumping? Playing with worms (Holden is terrified of them)? Not caring where your clothes were saturated in dirt and other disgusting things?
Does it just come with an older age, or have those times passed for good?
Happy times for my washing machine- but also a little sad not to see little boys covered in dirt and grime and refusing to shower and generally just stinking. Boys are supposed to be stinky, right?
If you like to be constantly criticized over your peanut butter to jelly ratio on sandwiches, being a parent is definitely for you.
It's called "Mom Tax" and it applies to ALL SWEETS OBTAINED BY CHILDREN pic.twitter.com/VExGwIOdBn
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