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Counting Chickens

Never wanting to be one to jinx myself, with how bad my luck seems to be and how no matter the amount of wood I knock on things still always seem to go awry- I was hesitant to even write a blog about this. Hell, i’m still hesitant..

BUT- then I realized that I don’t have my hopes up anymore for positive things to happen. I’ve gone to that level of insanity with the situation where i’m just sort of floating along. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..
Always upstream, and in how many months we’ve never gotten anywhere? So if i’m not overly optimistic about a certain outcome I can’t really screw myself, can I?

Woke up this morning, thinking it would be a day just like every other insane bottle filled non eating lava vomiting massive diarrheaing Parker day. Been like that for over 4 months, and after a week of antibiotics 3 times a day it still hadn’t changed so why would I ever think it would?

Holden comes into bed with me (gotta love the days where EVERYONE wakes up at the same time and you don’t get those lovely last 10 minutes or so of snoozing), and Thomas goes to deal with Parker and the morning ‘bottle’ as he usually does. Least he can do when lately i’ve been having to feed Parker every 1.5-2 hrs because he eats SO little at a time.
Back on point: he comes back in the room and I ask the question I always ask in the morning “how much did he eat?”
And then I get an answer I didn’t expect: 5.8. WHAT? We normally struggle to even get him to eat 3.5.. even when he was getting ‘better’ and eating 7 ounce bottles throughout the day, he was still only eating 3.5 in the morning. I am not used to anything more. We have our whole day scheduled around a 3.5 ounce bottle in the morning.

While I was happy to hear he FINALLY ate an ok bottle for ONCE in the morning.. at the same time, yes, I was a little ticked. Not prepared at all the reschedule the entire day. When would I feed him? When would he get hungry? How much would he eat at the NEXT bottle? How bad was it going to throw off solids and lunch time? Maybe it was a fluke and the rest of the day would be sucky bottles like always.

Apparently it was not a fluke. Not for today anyways. I waited about 3 hours (which was confusing since he normally eats another small bottle and then naps in his swing right after.. swing nap did not happen. He refused to let me put him down at all) and he was full on whining for a bottle. Over 6 ounces. Well, that’s just GREAT! And sucky.. since now what do I do with solids at his usual time? Or the bottle he usually gets at 1? That is only 2 hours away, no way is he going to eat again.. but if I let him nap and he wakes up at 3.. it will be FOUR hours, and he’s usually never hungry when he just wakes up and then we’re back to square 1, right?

And wrong, yet again. Gave him his solids 30 minutes later than usual, no issues at all. No lava puke. A lot of farting, but no puke. Put him down for a nap early since he didn’t have to wait for another bottle and he woke up at 2:30, meaning at 3, he was actually hungry again. He is NEVER hungry! I am not used to him actually WANTING a bottle.
Over 6 ounces yet again. What in the hell is going ON with this child today? He’s almost… normal.

And the rest of the day, although WAY off our usual steady schedule, went just as good. Other than some random spit up all over the front porch and a TON of HUGE farts (seriously, have never heard a 7 month old fart like he does. Or even an adult. It’s intense).. he was nearly back to his ‘normal’ self, whatever that is. It’s been so long since he’s been anywhere near normal, I don’t even know what that will be or what to expect.
And to add to the normality, he’s been off of his inhaler for a week now (as suggested by the pulmonologist) since it gives him chronic thrush and the cough has NOT come back. It’s ALWAYS come back in the past. No longer.

I feel like this is the calm before the storm.. even though we’ve been in a damn hurricane for 4 months. Maybe there’s a super tornado coming.. or something out of that craptacular movie “The Day After Tomorrow”..
It’s hard to be optimistic when he’s ALWAYS reverted right back to awful so many times in the past.. so i’m not getting my hopes up here.
Still, I DO hope this is a step in the right, and PERMANENT direction.

We’ll see how tomorrow goes. I’m certainly not expecting anything, or counting my chickens before they’re hatched.


Posted on May 20, 2010 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment
Holdin' Holden

About Holdin' Holden

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1 Comment

  • Ack, I’m sorry I’ve been awol and more sorry that you are dealing with all of this crap. You don’t deserve it, wtf? You and Parker are definitely in my thoughts- I’m still not sure about that whole praying thing.