Y’know, I hate these days. The days where I have this WHOLE funny, fun, light hearted blog post planned and then it all gets flushed down the damn toilet by CRAPPY CRAPPY NEWS. And on a Friday of all days! The day that’s supposed to be good, TGIF and all that jazz.
Well it’s not TGIF here.
No, i’m not feeling sorry for myself. Angry? Yes. Frustrated? Definitely. Sorry for MYSELF? No. Sorry for Parker is more like it. And maybe my sanity, too.
We finally got a hold of the GI today (well, the nurse) about Parker’s thrush since no one else would prescribe anything that would work for him for numerous reasons (some legit and some stupid). While Thomas was on the phone with her about his intense bleeding swollen horrible thrush, she decided to release to us the results of Parker’s ultrasound…
Everything was normal. The enlarged spleen? Apparently a false alarm. Increased liver enzymes? WHO KNOWS!
Should I be relieved? Perhaps if this situation hadn’t been 4+ months in the making I would be happy to hear those results.. but i’m not.
I don’t WANT anything to be wrong with Parker, but after going through this shit for SO long with NO answers and KNOWING that there is something definitely wrong with the child.. to hear “nothing” is the biggest let down you could ever imagine. It means more questions, more tests.. more BS. More dealing with Parker not eating without any light at the end of the tunnel. If something had come back, ANYTHING, we could say “ok, now we know what it is and we can fix it”.. but we didn’t get that.
Now he’s on antibiotics, just in case it’s something to do with his stomach not emptying properly. Antibiotics i’d write the name of if I could spell it even CLOSE to what it actually is. He’s been on them before when the first doctor was clueless and thought perhaps it was a bacterial infection or whooping cough and prescribed them just to be safe- only a higher dosage.
Two week trial.. and if these don’t work- it’s bad news. Endoscopy. Which is basically exploratory surgery. He’ll have to be put under anesthesia for them to shove a camera down his throat to try and figure out what the hell is wrong with his stomach. And while they’re at it- our pulmonologist wants to get in on it too just in case his breathing is still screwed up so she doesn’t have to go back and do it later if he has problems in the future. A two-fer!
The thought of putting my baby under anesthesia is the most horrifying thought to me. Gloom and doom, it’s all I can think of. A little baby going under anesthesia and having foreign objects shoved into him.. that is NEVER what I thought would happen. How could RSV cause SO many problems to a baby who was perfectly healthy and happy before?
The ONLY upsides are that the GI prescribed Parker diflucan for his HORRIBLE thrush. It’s worse than i’ve ever seen on any child. His mouth is so incredibly swollen. It looks like he taped chunks of cottage cheese all over his lips, tongue, cheeks, roof of his mouth, throat, etc. He could hardly eat today and freaked out when we tried to feed him veggies which are usually his favorites. And everything we DID get into him, he puked back up all over Thomas.. and then a half an hour later all over the WHITE carpet. Orange puke. Not easy to get out.
I hope, and I pray (as un-religious as I am) that the antibiotics will work. I want them to SO BADLY. I am just not confident that they will. After everything we’ve tried that has failed miserably in the past.. I just can’t put any ‘faith’ behind antibiotics being the answer.
I just want him to be ok again.
The other upside is that he seems to be completely blissfully unaware that he is sick, as is Holden. No matter what he goes through he is generally still incredibly happy. I don’t know what we’d do if he were miserable. I don’t think i’d have lasted this long without freaking out and cutting a doctor for saying something stupid like “Oh he’s fine” or “thrush doesn’t hurt!” which we’ve been told before in the past.. and both of which are clearly untrue.
If you have extra time, even if you’re not religious- Pray for my little man. He could really use the power of positive thinking and unfortunately I just don’t have it in me to be that person anymore.
Best compliment you can give me is to tell me you hope your future kids turn out like mine. I mean, you're lying, but it's a nice compliment
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