As if my luck hasn’t proven itself to be bad enough lately already- this past week I seem to be a walking accident. I won’t say i’m not clumsy- that’d be a big fat lie, but nothing like this.
Just in the past 7 days, i’ve burned my arm 3 times (at once) on the oven pulling out a chicken pot pie, which proceeded to blister and burst.. causing what looked like a massive deep cut across my arm. And then tonight Holden decided to roll all over me and accidentally tear the scab off. If it wasn’t going to scar before, it is now.
I somehow received a massive purplish/greenish/bluish bruise on the back side of my forearm. Very strange place to get a bruise and I have absolutely no idea how it happened, but it’s making putting my arm on any kind of arm rest impossible.
Really, though, the most irritating is the familiar feeling of searing boob pain washing over me again.
Not something I ever wanted or expected to feel again.
The first time it happened, a clogged duct was the LAST thing I would ever think of, considering that not only do I not breasfteed, I don’t make milk. My boobs don’t work for that purpose.
Now that suddenly there is pain in my poor poor boob again.. even though Parker is 6 months old and even any droplet of milk I may have created is long since gone- it instantly made me think “OH NO, CLOGGED INFECTED DUCT!”
Seriously, seeing your boob bright red and misshapen with a hard lump that you have to massage out.. is probably the last thing on earth you will ever want to happen to you.
Only this time.. no cold symptoms, no lumpy bumpy Frankenboob.. just achy. Achy achy boob.
So it became a process of elimination.
Did I run my boob into a wall or a desk or something else? No, because I hardly have boobs as it is. They don’t get in my way. If anything, they get places AFTER me. Sad lack-o-boob.
Ok, next.. Did Holden jump on it, hit it? Did I fall asleep on my arm again and swing it around and my boob was the casualty?
No.. don’t think so.
And then as I was carting Parker around the house in his favorite position, it became very clear. Even more searing boob pain? Why? Because he was leaning right on it. And since he likes to be held that way so often, and since he likes to wiggle and try to jump around and squirm his feet like a damn Squidbilly- he’s just really acting like a battering ram to my boob.
And since he’s so particular about his eating (which I really can’t complain about because at least he’s EATING), he likes to be held a certain way then too. And of course, that certain way is not so fun for that same sad boob.
I should probably consider buying one of those SUPER padded bras so that it acts like a freaking suit of armor on my chest to protect my boob from further bruising and pain. Haven’t my boobs been through enough?
I've never had a near death experience, but I DID find 2 spiders in my house this morning, and that's pretty much the same thing.
If you like to be constantly criticized over your peanut butter to jelly ratio on sandwiches, being a parent is definitely for you.
It's called "Mom Tax" and it applies to ALL SWEETS OBTAINED BY CHILDREN pic.twitter.com/VExGwIOdBn
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How I Unwind the Kids During Summertime goo.gl/fb/bqcdoV
Kid: When do I get the tablet back? Me: Thursday aftern--- Kid: *Yelling* I'LL NEVER GET IT BACK! Me: Okay, I guess never, then. #kidlogic
Being an adult is stupid. pic.twitter.com/ghkAP7UbIt
Me watching #AmericanNinjaWarrior: HAHA weak ass grip strength! Also me: Can't open a pickle jar.