And if you know me, you know I don’t mean precipitation-wise coming from the skies.
It’s been a long time since i’ve had a day where I and the children and random household objects got covered in excrement and baby vomit.
I knew it was going to be a strange day once Thomas put Parker in bed with Holden and I after his morning bottle.. and Holden laid down beside Parker to snuggle (like he always does), and suddenly I hear this weird noise followed by Holden screaming. I shot up only to find Holden absolutely in a petrified state.. blanketed in Parker’s spit up. Face, neck, shirt.. not to mention Thomas’ pillow and the bed, and of course Parker.
“HE PUKED ON ME!!! PARKER PUKED ON ME!” horrifying.
Had to strip both kids and the bed. Baby vomit is never a pleasing smell.. especially not when it’s two kids wreaking of it.
All downhill from there.
Next was Parker deciding to go poop crazy in the jumperoo. Can never seem to get him out of that thing fast enough once that grunting begins. Get him to the changing table, undress him, open that diaper.. and it doesn’t seem like all that much damage has been done. And then I lift him.. and notice the poop going all the way up and out of his diaper. ALL the way up his back. Almost to his neck. I have never seen poop reach that high. How he did it while vertical?? The world may never know.
As I try to peel his new poo soaked onesie off of him (worst thing ever, to have a brand new onesie soaked in disgusting baby shit).. it starts to spread like a toxic waste spill. His arms, hands, changing pad cover. Poop EVERYWHERE.
The rest of the day was filled with Holden getting piss on the floor because he insists on missing his potty, him peeing during nap time (and here I thought we were out of the woods) and being super pissed (pun not intended) because he was wearing his new “Dragon shirt!” and of course Parker randomly spitting up all over me.. and soaking my hands, shoulders and pants in drool. Thank you teething!
Hopefully tomorrow will be drier. We’re going to run out of clean clothes really quickly if the kids keep this up.
The “Are You Ready to Have Kids?” Checklist of Doom goo.gl/fb/DTPJ1A
If anyone asks how I died, you can just go ahead and tell them "she was lured in by free pie in exchange for listening to 2nd graders screech Thanksgiving songs for 30 minutes"
Half-Assed Jingler Syndrome goo.gl/fb/McWfBy
@ItsEvieClaire Booze and tears
I'm not saying this is the perfect #Christmas gift for all the parents in your life, but.... okay, yeah I am. That's exactly what I'm saying. Truths from the bowels of parenthood! amazon.com/Kids-Are-Turds…
@Gofashiondeals All of that and more. Good times. Gooooood times