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The Word Police

Long gone are the days of letting four letter words fly without a care in the world or the threat that a small child would mimic them repeatedly- especially in awkward situations. No longer do I have the ability to call Holden an “assface” or any other name in the book, because as long as I had a smile on my face he didn’t have a clue in the world.

It is a sad day in the world when I have to take all my beloved curse words and water them down until they are…ugh.. kid friendly.
So assface is now poopyface.. barf. Good ol Shit? try Crap. Or poop. I refuse to say things like “dangit” or “darnit”, that’s just too much. I can’t be THAT much of a ‘mommy’- I think I would croak if one of those things passed my lips. So what do I do? I refrain from saying anything at all- not an easy task. I like to react. I like to express myself with one good powerful word if, say, I slam my toe into the coffee table. And what would one of those words be? One of the four letter kind, but of course!
As much as i’ve tried to curb my cursing- and as much as I yell at Thomas for just how freely he still does.. it’s a hard habit to break completely. I think I may need a 12 step program, or a lobotomy.

Why am I doing all of this? Who is forcing me?

The Word Police, of course! And their Sheriff is none other than Holden himself.

That turd has picked up on SO many nasty little words and phrases, that I started getting scared straight. I am an addict, and cursing is my drug.
So what do I do when he says these horrid little words? I tell him: “You don’t say that word!”

Well, I should have known that if curse words rubbed off on him, so would that statement.
So now any time I let one fly, I hear out of his mouth “Don’t say that word, mommy!”- he is my little word police- constantly reminding me that not only can HE not say them, neither can I.

At least I have someone to keep me in check, since Thomas shows no signs of stopping any time soon. Or ever.


Posted on March 7, 2010 by Holdin' Holden 0 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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