There are probably 500 ways that this blog could come out wrong and hurt a lot of people’s feelings that I certainly don’t intend to.. so i’m going to preface the entire thing with this:
I appreciate ALL of my friends who care enough to come to me, and talk to me about what is going on with Parker, because NONE of the doctors we’ve seen have ever really cared enough to listen. I love that there are people who take a genuine interest in what i’m going through, who can sympathize, who try to make me feel better.. who offer up their advice, their opinion. Who agree that what is going on is NOT normal and that there has to be an answer out there… somewhere. It feels nice to know that although the doctors don’t give a flying fart it would seem, that i’m not crazy in thinking that there’s clearly something wrong.
I’m sure you can sense a BUT coming.. and there is a big one.
And here it comes:
BUT.. there is a line that is drawn in the world of advice, where it goes from helpful to just plain.. overbearing in a way. My/our situation crossed that line a LONG time ago.
Parker has been “sick” for so damn long, that I swear I have the same conversation 50 times per day with 50 different people.. and while I appreciate that people care enough to ASK and to help me try t find answers.. it is so tiring, because no answer is ever the right answer- and everyone has a different opinion, a different answer, a different viewpoint. After 3 months, it has become repetitive. And while people think they’re helping.. they aren’t. They’re really only being slightly comforting -which is better than nothing- but it gets downright irritating after a while.
I’ve done hours and hours and days worth of research on what could be wrong with Parker. I’ve looked at hundreds of websites, asked a dozen different doctors.. And everything has come up inconclusive. Plus the 3 months worth of friends coming and telling me what they think might be wrong, we’ve basically touched on pretty much everything you can find online by googling.
No, it’s not that- i’ve looked into it, he has none of the symptoms. No, it didn’t start when he started solids.. it started when he got RSV and has continued. No, he isn’t in pain. Yes, his breathig is still abnormal, but no it doesn’t seem to bother him. No, it’s not that his stomach needs to stretch out- if that were the case, why would he eat 6 ounce bottles all day and then refuse his bed time bottle?
Trust me, i’ve been through it ALL, dozens of times. I love that you care enough to try and google to find something that may fit, but chances are- i’ve been there, i’ve looked there, and i’ve ruled it out.
I realize you love your doctor, but i’m not going to waste time and money to drive 2 states, 3 states, 4 states away just to go to your doctor and have them tell me the same exact thing- ‘There’s nothing wrong. Just give it time.’ because I would put MONEY on that’s what they’d say. I loved our previous pediatrician, too. Over TWO YEARS with her and no problems until she decided not to do anything but make us wait for 2 months for an unnecessary CF test. She always found out what was wrong before that, and after her we’ve seen 8 other doctors. I highly doubt yours will be different. I wish they were, OH how I wish they were.. but they won’t be. Unless they call me up and say “I know what’s wrong with your kid, bring him here and i’ll fix him”– then i’m just not going to waste my time.
No, not even to your fancy Children’s Hospital.. the one we have here is pretty damn good. Has saved TWO of my family members thus far.. and they turned us away without even a second look. Again, I doubt yours is going to be different. They’re going to see that his electrolyte level is fine, that he’s gaining weight, his breathing rate is relatively normal.. and they’re going to send us home. Point blank. It’s procedure, protocol, whatever bullshit term you want to give it. It’s going to happen everywhere.
So please, y’all, just give me a break for a little while. I love that you care, but really, i’m just done.
I’ve sort of accepted that there really is NO true answer as to why his eating is so erratic. I know it has to do with RSV, either lingering effects or something because of it- but NO doctor is going to try to find out why as long as he’s gaining weight- and although some of you think I should just let him not eat for 14 hours and “eventually he’ll get hungry”– sorry, can’t do that to him. Not an option. Not ever going to happen.
All there is to do at this point, is wait for the CF test to prove me right when it comes back negative (and who the hell KNOWS how long that will take if it took them 2 months just to get us in).. and watch the doctors scramble because they realize they’re all morons and were thinking the wrong thing all along.
Ohhh I relish the day!
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