Unless your child is constipated, do yourself (and them) a freaking favor and DO NOT EVER FEED THEM PRUNES!
Unfortunately I forgot to take into account that all babies are indeed different- and remembered that Holden’s first fruit was prunes and it went swimmingly. Sure, he pooped more, but it wasn’t anything to blog about that’s for sure. That combined with a friend who has a little boy who’s about 3 or so days older than Parker just had HIS first fruit, which was prunes- with no issues.
Ohhh friendly influence! How I loathe thee!
Allow me to tell you my story of woe before you decide to shove a spoonful of prunes (aka liquid ass bomb) in your little one’s mouth. Perhaps you will decide against it and save yourself from going through what we went through today.
Being that Parker is a half year old today- it was time for his first fruit. Honestly I didn’t give it that much thought. Grabbed the one stage 1 fruit I had, prunes, and decided to give it a go. Had never had terrible experiences with it in the past, so other than knowing a poop would be coming- I wasn’t too worried about consequences.
It all went great at first. He was smiling and eating it.. got about 75% of the way through the container when something (probably Holden) called my attention away for a moment.
I looked back only to see purple lava like vomit rolling down Parker’s chin, into his neck creases, all over his bib and clothes and high chair.
No noise, just massive amounts of thick purple vomit.
No wipe could clean up that mess, so I had to change his clothes instantly and pre-treat his onesie so it wouldn’t stain and make him look like Barney the next time he wore it.
I then expected the blow out poop. Nothing came while Holden and I ate lunch, so I stuck Parker in his jumperoo where he happily bounced until Holden’s nap time.
Made a bottle for Parker (since it had been about 3.5 hours and he hadn’t eaten all that much at his last one), and pulled him out of his jumperoo only to get a whiff of something rank.
Great, he shit himself. Jumperoo shits are the worst, because they tend to defy gravity and go UP instead of down.. combined with prunes? I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into.
Nothing could prepare me for the disaster I was about to attempt to change. Liquid purple poop EVERYWHERE. Up his back, spilling out the sides of his diaper.. it was a train wreck.
As quickly as I could I tried to pull him out of his shit soaked onesie, and by that time the leakage from his legs and back had spread ALL over the changing table, his legs, hands… everything. Covered in poop. Not gagging was a major accomplishment.
Ten wipes later, he was finally cleaned up and changed into a new outfit (into his 3rd outfit of the day).
By that time, it was almost FOUR hours until his last bottle. Figured he’d be starving.
Nope. Didn’t want anything to do with his bottle. Couple of sucks and pulled away, couple of sucks and pulled away.. this went on for over 30 minutes until I finally gave up and got him down for a nap.
He slept so friggin’ long that by the time he woke up it was already bottle time again but I decided to let him wait until he actually ACTED hungry (he is NEVER hungry upon waking up, regardless of how long it’s been).
So we played, and waited, and played, and waited.. and finally he was acting hungry. Made another bottle for him, only for him to eat even LESS than the time before. And he pooped purple in the middle of it. It didn’t even look like poop, it looked like straight prunes. With seeds, of course.
Again it took me a half an hour to get him to eat a decent amount of formula.. only for him to puke it back up all over himself and me.
Had to change him into his FOURTH outfit of the day.
And by that point he was so angry about being changed and cleaned up that he just wanted to cry.. and cry.. and cry. Took a very long time to calm him down enough to get him down his his usual 5pm nap (which wasn’t until 5:30 today).
DAMN THOSE PRUNES!!! I seriously don’t know what I would have done had we been in public with that disaster going on in his stomach.
Prunes are not fun, y’all. I know they’re a “super fruit”- but I warn you now- don’t give them to your kid unless they CAN NOT POOP, because they’ll fix that problem in under an hour and keep you cleaning a baby’s ass all day long (there was one more purple shit after the non eating ended).
I don’t plan on EVER giving them to Parker again. Not even if I was paid to give them to him. No way.
Evil prunes. I only hope his tummy is feeling better tomorrow because he has his 6 month check up and shots that are already going to screw with him. Last thing he needs is a tummy ache on top of all of that.
First fruit experience was a FAIL. The FAIL of all FAILS.
You wouldn't sniff a stranger's butt to see who pooped their pants.... so you probably shouldn't do these other parental things to strangers, either. holdinholden.com/2017/12/weir…
Weird Things you do for your kids but not Strangers goo.gl/fb/oVuwvG
Tis the season! pic.twitter.com/5VgMLnt22E
I am weak pic.twitter.com/LYdRQ6EZcC
You know that feeling when you don't chew a chip all the way and it cuts you all the way down and you swear it's gonna kill you, but you go ahead have another right after? That's what it's like when you decide to have another kid.