Creepy Kids Shows

It’s a surreal moment in life when you feel like the words “You whipper snappers have it easy! I had to walk to school uphill, both ways in the snow 7 miles every day.. WITH NO SHOES!” are going to come out of your mouth at any moment.

Kids definitely have it easy and much more convenient. A variety of game consoles, CGI movies, cell phones, the internet sans dialup..
There is one area that I feel like they’re getting totally ripped off in though. And that is the cartoon department.

Seriously, what the hell ever happened to Saturday morning cartoons? And not just ONE channel, but 5 or 6. And not crappy cartoons that you only watch because nothing else is on, but ones you actually have been waiting for ALL week. ONE channel unless you really want to watch anime, or your cable provider is nice enough to provide Noggin. Mine is not. Stupid Cox.
What happened to cartoons in general?

When I was a kid, we had violence laced cartoons.. everything is watered down to the point of absurdity.. or the violence was removed and CRACK was added.
Where’s the quality? The REAL humor and not just stupid slapstick?
Rocko’s Modern Life, Ren & Stimpy, The Simpsons before it got lame and repetative and they still had Itchy & Scratchy beating each other bloody.

What the hell is this Yo Gabba Gabba crap? Are you TRYING to make my kid stupid? Why does the orange one look like a ribbed vibrator? Why does the host look like a Russian crack addict?
The worst part, worse than how insane it is, and annoyingly repetitive the music is (brain aneurysm worthy), is that kids EAT THAT CRAP UP! There has to be some kind of subliminal messaging in there. I’ve tried to watch it.. i’ve tried to let Holden watch it.. Can’t do it. Too painful. Do not want to rot my child’s brain at the tender age of 2.

Don’t even get me started on Boobah. It’s like a bad LSD trip. Can’t stop watching. Can’t tear your eyes away. The sound effects are enough to make anyone twitch uncontrollably for a week. And they all look like uncircumcised penises. Really hairy ones.

Dora. My nemesis. Ohhh how I loathe thee. WHERE are your parents?? How in the hell are you allowed to go traipsing around the friggin jungle with nothing more than a backpack and an annoying monkey? And WHY oh WHY do you ALWAYS HAVE TO YELL?? Have you not ever heard of an inside voice? We can hear you. I don’t need you yelling for 30 minutes straight about how “I DID IT!”

Seriously, cartoon fail. “Lucky” for me, Holden’s only cartoon obsession is Spongebob, and is you’ve ever watched Nickelodeon you’d know that Spongebob is about 50% of their programming schedule.
Spongebob is about to get a kick to his stupid spongy head. How many episodes can we really tolerate of boating school, arguing with the clearly homosexual Squidward, or trying to keep the secret formula from Plankton?
Throw me some variety before my head explodes!

Posted on March 21, 2010 by Holdin' Holden 1 Comment
Holdin' Holden

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1 Comment

  • LOL I agree! I’ve tried to watch Yo Gabba Gabba too because I’ve heard so many people rave about it. I wanted to shoot myself 30 seconds in. Oh and yes that one character does look like a vibrator. It’s like one of those weird bad shows from the 70’s or something. Very strange.

    Don’t get me started on Dora. I’ve never put it on for Ben and I won’t for Jillian either. She annoys the hell out of me and I won’t let them watch it. I’d actually rather watch Barney. At least he’s easy to tune out.