On most days, i’d consider this blog both vagina and penis friendly. There’s not much that I would think ONLY a woman should read around these parts. I’m an equal opportunity writer. I might go into extreme detail, but nothing that would make any parent who’s cleaned an explosive shit diaper before squirm uncomfortably.
Today is just not one of those days. I would suggest those who do not have a vagina or get squeamish at the thought of period blood or menstrual cycles to stay away from this blog. Stop reading now before it’s too late!
Especially if you’re my Dad.. just press that little red X button in the top right corner and pretend you never came here tonight!
Anyone still with me?
My experience with depo for the first month was a completely blissful and positive experience. Everyone that I PERSONALLY know who has ever been on it has only had good things to say about it, so I wasn’t all THAT concerned about side effects. There is always that person who will try and scare you by telling you that “friend of a friend’s cousin’s friend took depo and DIED!” type of story.. but those can’t be trusted. EVERY type of birth control will have at LEAST one person (though more likely hundreds) who had a bad, or even terrible experience with it. Every body reacts differently to different hormones. Unfortunately, it’s all trial and error.. and sometimes you have to put up with nasty side effects until you find the right one, and the right dosage for you.
Besides all the CRAZY things people tried to tell me, there were a few symptoms/side effects that were normal, and that I expected. Maybe some cramping, maybe some spotting.. and a tiny chance of increase in appetite.
One week went by, nothing. Two weeks? Nothing. Three weeks? Nothing.
Then came the time where if I had a normal cycle (which i’ve never had in my entire life), I would be having my period.. and the spotting began. Now, I realize spotting doesn’t ever have a pattern to it, but this was SERIOUSLY whacked. It would happen in the middle of the night, but not in the day..
Then it stopped happening at night and randomly throughout the day i’d feel like I had sprung a leak. Only it isn’t regular ‘period blood’ colored.. more like old blood. And if you’re a woman and still reading this and not just an incredibly curious (and strong stomached) man, you know exactly what i’m talking about.
If it weren’t for the mega stain remover I have, I would have easily ruined 5 pairs of nice underwear by now because of random spotting and the fact that I have no liners because I had no idea it would happen after a month of NOTHING.
And the worst part is it’s only getting worse. I understood it when it was my “time of the month”, but it’s been two weeks and the flow is just getting heavier.. if you can consider it a flow. It’s more like random spurts. Random HEAVY spurts. Why wear a pad or a tampon all day only to have to throw it away or yank it out dry? Yanking out a dry tampon is one of the least enjoyable experiences a woman can have.
And the cramps… oohhhh the cramps. Those are pretty nasty too, and I have no midol considering i’ve had ONE period in the past year+.
Now I have to wonder if the warnings my OBGYN gave me will come to fruition. Will I now randomly spot for 9 months?? I fucking HOPE NOT! Someone will end up getting cut.
Just did this yesterday and it was everything 9 year old me could have dreamed of pic.twitter.com/imYQlUmSVn
LIVE on Twitch tonight -- come say hi! twitch.tv/holdinholden
As I embark on an 11 day trip with my kids, this is especially fitting. VACATIONS WITH KIDS ARE MANUAL LABOR! holdinholden.com/2016/03/vaca…
Are you, though?? 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/Rm5L9PBuiL
When I file for divorce and people ask why I'm gonna say "I told him I felt bloated & wanted donuts and he replied 'that's not gonna help'"
Me usually: Lunch time, kids! So much to choose from! Me before a trip: You're gettin' a bread sandwich because I'm not going shopping again
How to Convince Your Fam to Watch ANYTHING you want on Netflix! goo.gl/fb/H6iZrR
We're just... uh.... wrestling.... 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/dpAIyM88c8
When you think your kid is done telling a story and you're finally free but they immediately start telling another pic.twitter.com/zM5gtwNCnj